Dear Ask Hole,
I’ve always thought that a little gentle ribbing was endearing. But, recently one of my jokes didn’t go over so well. My friend “Julie” is a textile artist, and when she asked if I’d be at her opening, I joked that “If I wanted to see some old afghans, I’d go to my grandmother’s nursing home.” I thought I was being funny, but “Julie” was pretty PO’d. I know artists are sensitive about their craft, but can’t she take a joke? What’s the right way to make fun of someone? How can I razz my friends without
Dear JOSHING,
It’s true that jokes are a delicate business. I once told a “Why did the chicken cross the road” joke to a group of children, and one of them cried for 20 minutes because her grampy had just gone “to the other side.” Tough crowd. Still, if I could offer some general rules for “ribbing,” as you call it, I would start with this: Before you make fun of someone else, you have to be able to laugh at yourself. There are a lot of jokers out there who can dish it
Just joking!
See what I did there? This is another classic means of letting people know that you’re not a jerk, you’re just a fun
Tone can also help with this. Smile as you suggest you think treating art as a profession is
You could also try an improv class to encourage positivity in your comedy. The “yes, and” mantra of improvisation could really help you here. If Julie says, “You’re a jerk,” you will be well equipped to respond:
“Yes, and I am also full of self-loathing. Just joking!”
In short, JOSHING, if you’re worried that you’re being an ass, you probably are. Perhaps the problem is not with your friend’s ability to “take a joke,” but with your ability to tell one. Jokes are great. They can bring people together; they can open up dialogues about important issues. But they can also hurt people. And, if a friend is hurt by one of your jokes,