Jesus, Take the Wheel 2: Jesus Harder


Most of us in the office flicked past the Grammys on Sunday. I watched the whole thing because Dixie Chicks, though their speeches got worse as the night went on -- designate a speaker, girls! -- and my once-beloved "Not Ready to Make Nice" feels like a commercial for bullying or something, after hearing the same 20 seconds so many times.

Also that lightweight Carrie Underwood better watch it -- any one of the Dixies could take you out, girlie. They're twice as old and just as scrappy, Little Miss Karaoke Cutoffs.

Anyway, of course Gordie Sampson's been getting lots of play, including a terrible interview with the terrible Seamus O'Regan this morning on Canada AM (Dear CTV, Please junk Seamus and get Jennifer Ward in there full-time; imagine the blonde, crackling sexual tension between her and Bev! Or at least let me imagine it).

We could point out that THREE people wrote "Jesus Take the Wheel," which includes the line "It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder," and also the line "Fifty miles to go and she was runnin' low on faith and gasoline" and is deliberately vague on what exactly this woman did in her life that was so horrible Jesus needed to fix it, but we won't.

Instead we'll offer Gordie and co. some sequel titles:

Jesus, Do You Have a Token?Jesus, Deploy My AirbagJesus, Let's Get Some Take-OutJesus, Call Triple AJesus, Take me to The Tim's Drive-Thru (And order me a Boston Cream)Jesus, Change the Radio StationJesus, Don't Smoke in the CarJesus, Crack a WindowJesus, Put on My Snow TiresOprah, Take the Wheel (To Africa, but only part of the wheel, the horn, so the children can thank you loudly for the wheel their village sorely needed)

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