Dear Smokers of HRM

I am not one of the anti-smoking nazis. I don't support the blanket ban on the use of a legal product in public places. If I walk past you on the street and catch a whiff of your cigarette smoke, it really doesn't bother me. But when I see you flick

9 comments

Published May 31, 2007.Dear Smokers of HRM

I am not one of the anti-smoking nazis. I don't support the blanket ban on the use of a legal product in public places. If I walk past you on the street and catch a whiff of your cigarette smoke, it really doesn't bother me.

But when I see you flick your butt onto the ground, then I want to gather up all the butts around you, put them in one of those elaborate 1970's floor model ashtrays, and shove the whole assembly up your unlubricated ass. Big end first.

Do you think that's not garbage? Do you think an army of magical butt-sweeping elves appears with little brooms and dustpans to clean up after you? THE WORLD IS NOT YOUR ASHTRAY, ASSHOLE!

I rarely see anyone throw a candy wrapper or a pop can on the ground. It is so unusual that when it does happen, people notice it. "Did you see that? Did that guy just...? He did!" But the butt-flickers go unnoticed. A cigarette butt is such a little thing.

But I'll tell you what: Say you smoke a pack a day. Why don't you take twenty five little butt-sized pieces of paper and throw them on your living room floor. Do that every day for a week. Or, I could just pick up a morning's worth of butts from the bus stop near my house, and drop them off to you. Then you can scatter them all over your living room and maybe you will begin to understand.

Look. You can buy little tiny pocket ashtrays, about the size of a tealight. You push a button and it flips open. You put your butt in there, and you close the lid. Then you put it in your pocket. They are really cool. They're aimed at the pot smoking demographic, but they can just as well be used for cigarettes. They cost three bucks. You can get them at any head shop.

All I am suggesting is that you take responsibility for your own personal garbage. Is it so hard to wipe your own ass?

Coyote

Comments (9)

Showing 1-9 of 9

Add a comment
 

Add a comment

Remember, it's entirely possible to disagree without spiralling into a thread of negativity and personal attacks. We have the right to remove (and you have the right to report) any comments that go against our policy.