The Anti-Seniors Club

There was a time when I would help the elderly if they fell in front of a moving car, I would even open the door for them even though it meant that I had to wait. If I knew how to bake, I would have baked them the finest cookies. But those days have chan

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Published February 09, 2006.The Anti-Seniors Club

There was a time when I would help the elderly if they fell in front of a moving car, I would even open the door for them even though it meant that I had to wait. If I knew how to bake, I would have baked them the finest cookies. But those days have changed; it is my mission to expose the elderly for who they truly are. Don’t be fooled, the Elderly will strike you with their cane the first chance they get. They’re not sweet people, they’re penny pinchers who should be pinched back…hardcore. You see, the elderly insist they know how to drive, but let’s face it, they don’t! The Elderly spend half of their day purchasing Nevada Lottery Tickets causing you to wait in line at the local variety store. The elderly never tip their servers, they are extremely cheap and they can’t hear you when you speak. The elderly feel the “Seniors Discount” should apply to everything in sight, and they show no respect towards our next generation. However, we are supposed to show them all the respect in the world. I’m a server, and when I see them come through the door I cringe. I know they won’t tip me and they’ll be the most difficult customers I will encounter that day. It’s fair to say that I’m not too fond of the elderly. I do love my Grandparents tough. All others should be put in a home and taught that mothballs aren’t necessarily a good thing. And what’s up those names’ Gertrude, Ruby, Norman, Beatrice…Beatrice? Are you kidding me? If I had an ounce of power, I would take their Driver’s License away at 65, make them have a mild heart-attack when they show the first sign of cheapness, but above all, manufacture walking canes with tiny little wheels at the bottom. Shit, that would be funny. So too all the elderly, thank goodness your time is limited!

J-Fo

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