The Secret

To all you old looking bags out there: Your wondering why you look wrinkly, fat, and full of varicose veins!? Its because when you were younger you basked in the sun, drank liquor and smoked your heart out. You enjoyed fast food and maybe even smoked wee

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Published February 09, 2006.The Secret

To all you old looking bags out there: Your wondering why you look wrinkly, fat, and full of varicose veins!? Its because when you were younger you basked in the sun, drank liquor and smoked your heart out. You enjoyed fast food and maybe even smoked weed! You look like crap now (like you really give a shit anyways cause your primetime is up) Because you chose not to eat veggies - no the celery in your vodka didn't count! You chose to lay out all day in the summertime and not exercise - no swimming in the salt water ocean just to make your tan better does not count as exercise. So the secret to looking great is to wear a shitload of sunscreen cause the pasty white look is in my friend! Workout everyday, 7 days a week before and after work for two hours, cause after all the frail thin anorexic look is all that counts. Buy out the whole veggie/fruit department at the grocery store, cause god knows you sure as hell won't be buying smokes and booze in this day and age... Not if you want to look good. So gone are the days when you were voluptuous, tanned and drunk. Cheers to the sunscreen wearing, veggie eating,exercise feening, non-smoking, non-drinking peeps. If you want to look good in your old age, this is "The Secret".

The Young One

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