You did mention that you had an old soul. If that is the case, you seem to be stuck with one that has spent the last few centuries stiffing people left, right and centre. Maybe it is time to trade it in for a new, more honorable model. Even better, why not dump your childish ways and start on your road to adulthood. Its one whose path demands certain sacrifices and inconveniences, but if you chose the right fork, the reward will be that you can wake up in the morning and look at yourself without pangs of guilt and shame. You could begin this journey by returning my keys. Peace.
---Stiffed and Miffed