To the boisterous couple above our apartment: FUCK MORE QUIETLY. At least, if you have to be that loud, fix your squeaky bed. Or get a new frame, hearing it slam up against the wall keeps us awake at night.

Also, girl, you are SO faking it. No one should scream like that. Not even in porno. Its not sexy, at all. If I knew it wouldn't disturb our other neighbors, I would scream that way when I got some just so you could understand how stupid it sounds.

In short: pick up some WD40, and a ball gag. We're begging you.

---cranky and turned off

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