Dear Olympic Athlete:

I am one of your biggest fans! I love that you spend ten hours a day at the gym so that no mater when I go, you are always there. I totally support your goal of setting a new record for “lifting the least amount of weights in one session” but I think your chances of setting the record for “ability to talk about oneself non-stop for unlimited lengths of time without doing one single exercise” are much better. If you worked out as hard as you talk about yourself maybe you would have actually qualified for a semi-final heat, instead of getting smoked off the track by true athletes. But that aside, I would just like to thank you for all the advice related to running, your diet, running, the Olympics, running, yourself, and again, I think you may have mentioned that you went to the Olympics.

---Your Biggest Fan

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