Hey, Halifax!

Learn how to drive. Brake, signal, etc, etc.

Stop putting food in your face. You're gross.

Build something, for fuck's sake. A park, a building, anything.

Stop striving for the title of being Canada's Detroit. Jobless, criminal fuckers.

Import some foreign women and start breeding out the shuffling, cookie-cutter, fat-ass, barely female women you've already got.

Send all puka shell necklaces back to their home in the ocean, and send the men wearing them along with. All other man-jewelry should go straight up its owner's ass.

Stop building shopping malls. How many fucking Suzy Shiers do you need?

Get dressed and wash your hair before you go outside.

Get off your cocksucking cellphone. You live in Halifax. You are not important. Your friends are not important.

Don't ever leave Halifax. Please stay right here. Go to the Dome. Do a shot. I don't care.

Thank you. Piss off.

---Bill Brasky

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