To every man who has ever peed:

Please. Please. Please do up your belt before you leave the bathroom.

This is far too common a sight these days, especially at night at the bar. It's really gross. Everyone knows what you went in there to do, we don't need to see you finishing up the job. Plus, you're just proving to the world that you didn't wash your hands after using a public bathroom and are now going to share pitchers and fries or whatever with your friends and put your dick cheese piss hands all over everything. Just finish putting your pants on IN the bathroom. —Humanity

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