Love the Way We Bitch

Archives | RSS

Angry? Mad as hell and you can't take it anymore? Get something off your chest and it could be published online and/or in print. Bitches are anonymous and may be edited for length, grammar, spelling and our lenient standards of propriety.

Submit a Bitch

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Mommy, You're A Big Fat Tub

Posted on Wed, Jul 7, 2010 at 10:38 AM

Dear Mommy:

I really wish you wouldn't eat your face off while I am growing inside your zepplin-sized tummy. That Triple Whopper crap nauseates me, has made me grow three spines and makes my heart beat like Ozzy Osborne having a seizure. I don't even know what agony you suffer trying not to consume deep fried shit no smaller than a house cat and a dozen bags of all-dressed ruffles but I know you'll be angrier than a bear with his ass in a sling if you try to stop. My first experiences of life in the world will be you in front of the microwave, yelling 'HURRY!!!!!

Better me than you, I guess. Or you could spare me a Timbit or two. Oh, wait. That would be child abuse.

Love, your innocent unborn son or daughter —Now Fuck Off, Smoke Nazis

Tags:

Support The Coast

At a time when the city needs local coverage more than ever, we’re asking for your help to support independent journalism. We are committed as always to providing free access to readers, particularly as we confront the impact of COVID-19 in Halifax and beyond.

Read more about the work we do here, or consider making a donation. Thank you for your support!

Comments (34)

Add a comment

Add a Comment

Get more Halifax

Our Thursday email gets you caught up with The Coast. Sign up and go deep on Halifax.