I know. Getting dumped sucks. So so so much. And she was the best thing to ever happen to you. She is a perfect goddess sent from the heavens you don't believe in. You will never love again. Ever. Because you're heart is beyond repair. Don't worry, I've memorized your lamentations, and you clearly haven't watched a Hollywood romance in a long time, or you'd recognize the cliches.

It's been long enough buddy, and you still insist on pulling this whole "oh miserable me" act whenever you remember she exists (which, living in Halifax, is hard to avoid). C'mon, dude, things have been going really well for you! Really, really well! Better than most, in fact! Let her know! You're not guilting or fooling anyone anymore with the idea the her dumping you ruined your life and you are no longer able to function.

Most importantly, it's just god damn annoying. Being "sad" doesn't equal being an asshole. You've long become the least pity-inspiring dumpee I've ever known and soon enough, you're going to find that out from the back of my hand. —Heartless Friend