Fed up with my own stupidity!

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Well this is a first for me, in the past I've bitched about others, but this time I'm super mad at myself, so mad I'm having trouble starting this bitch and putting it into words, not sure exactly what I want to say so here goes..

The worst part is I can't even really complain to any of my friends about this because I brought this on myself, this time. They warned me about him, and they warned me good. And they were so so right.

Rewind to a few years ago, I had left my fiance after learning he cheated on me with a much younger girl. After taking time alone to mourn the relationship (and this seemed to take a long time for me, it seems to be that "can't live with him, can't live without him" type of thing) So yeah, I had moved on, worked up the nerve to get back on the scene, actually went on dates and got back on the dating scene, met three great guys, didn't really get a chance to take things further than going out for dinner and drinks, because THEN, I didn't pursue anything with them, just let things die off by not returning calls and emails because I thought I was so Lucky when my ex came back into my life, and now feeling very stuck in this situation and not sure which way to turn.

Things are not working out and are very much history repeating itself. The worst thing is, I now realize I could have a chance at happiness with someone else, someone who values me and I don't have to censor myself and try to be some other, cooler, more hip, person. I just want to be me, and be accepted for me, and screw him and all his criticism, insulting my family members and his angry behavior.

I think self esteem is a huge problem for me. I feel like if I ever get out of this mess alive I need to think about putting myself first. Blah blah BLAHHH! So yeah that is my super lame bitch, although it does not solve anything for me I will say I feel a bit better just venting. —The trusting moron

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