We've been great friends for a while but now that you two have realized you clash, I'm stuck in the middle of it. I don't want to take sides or agree with either of you because this shit could have been avoided if you had just talked it out months ago.
Now I'm stuck listening to petty complaints and pretending that the other one isn't talking about you for the sake of the future. We all have bigger problems right now and I don't need you calling all the time to bitch about the same thing everyday. I'm friends with both of you so if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. —the one in the middle of it all