I'm so fucking mad

I just need to get this out, and I can't think of any other place suitable for such a rant than the bitch board. So here goes (and let the flaming begin):

I'm so fucking sick and tired of being sick. And not sick with the flu or a cold, I'm talking chronically sick. I'm fed the fuck up with it. I don't know from day to day how I'm going to feel which is bullshit because I do everything right. Yet still I can't eat anything (Oh, great. Tuna, chicken, apples and rice. GREAT diet there. How tasty!) because who knows what it'll do to me. I also exercise, yet I still feel like crap a good 1/3 of the time. I'm sick and fucking tired of being a pincushion too (the fist-size bruise on my abdomen from hitting a vein sure is aesthetically pleasing). I'm sick of having to follow the same schedule every frigging day (I'd, just once, like a fucking weekend off). I'm sick of never being able to sleep in because hey I could end up going into a coma. I'm sick of not being able to just crash whenever because I have to stick myself yet again at a certain time.

I'm also sick on having to rely on others when I go into shock unexpectedly and the worry it causes my family. It kills me how concerned my mother is about this whole mess. And the physical "hurt" going into shock causes? Yeah, I'm pretty sick of that shit too. Waking up at 3 am absolutely drenched in a cold sweat and hardly being able to string three words together to call for help sure is fan-fucking-tastic.

And even though I'm doing everything right and even though blood tests PROVE I'm doing everything right, I still wake up with a spot on my eye. Who knows wtf THAT is—so, here I go, taking MORE time off work to see my eye specialist who'll likely tell me the nerves in my eye are starting to fuck up. GREAT.

Most of all, though, I'm just sick of not being normal. And I feel guilty and bad for those around me who have to deal with me being fucking consumed with this fucking disease. I really wish it didn't have to be like that, and I'm sorry for those who have to put up with me. —Fed Up LTWWBer

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