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Monday, April 11, 2011

Unrequited English Breakfast

Posted on Mon, Apr 11, 2011 at 11:58 AM

To Mr Tall, Dark and Accent, when you first walked into the coffee shop where I worked, I was instantly smitten. Who wouldn't swoon? You've gotta be at least 6'3", you have the deepest brown eyes, the gentlest manners, and such a thick, beautiful British accent, I could barely understand your latte order the first time. I can't place your wicked-awesome accent, but my best guess is it's Northern. Is it Northern? Well, now I'll never know.

I waited for about 2 months for a chance to strike up a conversation while you stopped in for a tea on your lunch break, (you work just across the mall from me), but that golden opportunity just never presented itself. I'd always just miss you, or a co-worker would serve you before I got the chance. You've got to understand something, Mr. T, D & A—I am insanely shy—it was going to be a challenge for me just to look into those beautiful brown eyes, ask where you're from, and hope the conversation went SOMEWHERE from there. But since that wasn't an option, I chose to take matters into my own hands, and introduce myself the best way I could think of. I brought you a cup of tea while you were working one day, with the message, "To the cute guy at INSERT RETAIL ESTABLISHMENT HERE, from the tall girl at INSERT COFFEE SHOP NAME HERE". I said that it was for you, and you asked why. I answered with, "because I think you're cute", and pointed to the message on the cup.

That was in November. You never said a word to me after that, and you stopped coming into the café. I heard you have even become a regular at INSERT RIVAL COFFEE SHOP NAME HERE. You didn't have to want me back—I would have settled for a "thanks, but no thanks"—just SOME form of acknowledgement would have been nice. And seriously, you started drinking INSERT RIVAL COFFEE SHOP NAME HERE just to avoid me? Ouch! —Disgruntled Barista

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