To Prick 1 and Prick 2 that are seated two tables down from me: I HATE you! Go back to your fraternity, boys, you are not wanted here. For your information, my facial hair is ironic. It is ironic as fuck, gentlemen. To say that I look like Perelman is uncalled for. I am the pioneer of the fucking ironic unibrow! Take your fucking bi-brows and get the hell out of the library. I am here to write and listen to music, not to listen to your bizarre critique of my face and write about how much I hate you. You have ruined my day and I will never, ever forget this. I am currently writing a scathing song lyric, and guess what? It is about you guys. Good luck getting the chicks when I release it! —Hairy