Emergency Call

Not a week goes by that we don't get an emergency call from you claiming you are having chest pain. We're obligated to respond to the call, and each and every time we get there you waste our time. We've told you that you are not having a heart attack, we've suggested you contact your doctor and make an appointment for a stress test, or even get a physical. When you complain about that we offer to take you to the hospital if you still think you are having a heart attack, but you decline and say you'd rather spend the money on other things. The main cause of your 'chest pain' might have something to do with all those pizza boxes stacked near the backdoor. You obviously live a very lonely and sedentary lifestyle. You're wasting our health care resources when there are people in this city who have serious medical conditions. Quit being a fucking useless slob, or at least do us all a favour and have a real heart attack that we can deal with. —Paramedic

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