It's a cool Friday evening, I have the house to myself for the weekend and there's the incredible aroma of roast chicken in the house. I'm enjoying a predinner magazine and there it is again... the cough.

You live across the street and you smoke outside, but maybe you shouldn't. That cough where you sound like you're going to hack up a lung or two is scary. Not only is it scary (or should be to you, anyway), but it's effing gross. It's summer and my windows are open, but any time of day, I can hear you gagging your way through a smoke. Please stop. You have young children. If you have to rub your chest in agony everytime you inhale that vile substance, you need to stop. It's fucking annoying to hear. I hope you get some sense soon. —The Girl Across the Street