To the Suit who came in to "Name-omitted Pizza" downtown last month. I thought you were joking when you asked me for the oldest slice I had and to cover it in disgusting hot sauce, but I complied (it's my job or something). People ask for weird things everyday, but you're special. Cause you didn't tell me until after I had rung you in that this slice wasn't for you. It was for the poor homeless man outside. You were, under the guise of charity, going to give him old gross pizza? Because he asked you for change?! And you were SURPRISED when I was (out of the blue!) not being friendly with you any more?

I hope your path to hell is paved with moldy pineapple and other people's vomit. —Hot & Fresh