Dear upstairs neighbours

I know it's an older building, and the soundproofing isn't great, but it might help if you didn't stomp with every step while you make your daily thousand or so circuits around what must be an apartment completely devoid of furniture, other than a single guitar you knock over 40 or so times a week, and an incredibly squeaky bed that you should probably put out of its misery. With every step you take I expect gyprock dust to come sprinkling down on me, or for the entire ceiling to come crashing down. You might consider not taking a run off whenever you start to move, and you could stop sleeping in shifts to ensure someone is stomping 24 hours a day - I get it, you're loud. You may not know this, but your Olympic shot put training (as only this activity could account for the noise) sometimes shakes my furniture, and has traumatized my cat. My boyfriend sleeps very lightly, and now, because of you, he barely sleeps at all. We're moving - so good luck with your eventual spine and knee problems, jerks. —Complains Loudly About You Through the Stove Vent

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xxx - Deprecated in favor of GTM, above.