I hope it shits in your lap

You prat! Weaving all over the road because you've got a dog in your lap and can't control your huge truck while it wriggles around. When you weaved across the solid yellows lines into the path of a motorcycle coming the other way, that's when I called the police. I thought you must be hammered so I happily followed you describing your location as you ran the STOP sign and sped through Bayers Lake. Turns out you weren't hammered, you just couldn't drive because you had a dog in your lap. I hope it shat there and left a stench like your breath. By all means, put your own life in danger, just do it away from me and other sensible road users. Tosser! —Captain Prospect

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