Pandemic finially reported!

The American CDC and the WHO organization have been quietly hiding a pandemic but due to recent leaks within these organizations reports have been circulating and a new pandemic is spreading. It is rumored that the disease was kept hidden because several children of employees are among the infected. The disease is not actually new and has gone on for approximately three years. This disease in women is safe however has proven to be very deadly in males.

Ground zero for this disease possibly started in either Rome or Paris. It's a variation of a much older affliction but after generations it has mutated into a deadly virus.

Symptoms include a wide range of behavioural lapses. Affected persons are very easy to spot because they have terrible fashion sense. The affected wear tight women's jeans. Their footwear is also usually only made for women and is very pointy. Their shoes often don't match and are usually an awful avant guard version of red and maroon. Casual dress is mainly a checkered or plaid type shirt that was cheaply fashioned by linens found within the home. Formal dress usually consists of an ugly and mismatched suit top bought from value village and paired with antique corduroy pants.

Affected may go by stupid handles their parents gave them at birth. Handles they thought were ok. These names include Chase, Skylar, Asher, Moses. These names are meant for things like cats and hampsters.

Affected males display feminine characteristics. They cannot perform simple tasks like an oil or tire change. They listen to terrible music like Mumford and Sons and Dallas Green. They actually believe that Bob Dylan was a good musician and that any of his lyrics made sense!

Once you detect these affected persons the CDC and WHO strongly advise you to avoid verbal contact and keep your distance. Inform the police or other armed organizations. If you find yourself in a close quarters situation do not kick them between the legs. There is nothing there and you will waste your energy. —TC

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