Kill the Subwoofer

I'm so god damned tired of listening to the low end of everything you listen to. You like bass? Hey, me too. But guess what: you live in an apartment. I live in apartment. Right next door, in fact. Have you heard my music? I love loud music, man, do I! But you haven't heard it. Because I have neighbours and I'm not an asshole.

You know where I set the volume of my sub? I don't, I keep that bastard unplugged. It's not a matter of volume, it's a matter of physics. It shoots right through the walls and I hear those low frequencies louder than you do. Indistinct sound: bizarre mumbles and rumbles. Phat beats. I hear it through headphones. I hear it through earplugs. Yeah, the good lords know I've tried to compromise. I feel it through my body.

Crank it on Friday night for two hours, blast it for three on Saturday. I'm not an unreasonable man. But keep it to an absolute minimum, because, you know, every day for hours is just a bit too much.

Maybe I'm studying. Maybe I work from home. Maybe I work nights and sleep all day. Maybe it's the dead of winter and I can't go for a walk because it's -30 degrees celsius with windchill and I value my skin.

Kill the sub. I'll beg you. I'll get down on my knees and I'll promise you my firstborn. But kill the sub bass. And after awhile you won't even notice it's gone. I promise. —Bobby D.

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