Dear Apt. #___,

Yes, it is 4am and yes, I'm sure you did have a swell time at the Dome or whatever slimy bar you just crawled back from and yes, I'm sure some girl did talk to you and you had no idea what she was saying because yes, I'm sure you do have a hard time understanding when people use words with more than 2 syllables around you. However, if you could refrain from playing your shitty music so damn loud and yelling about all of this so that the rest of the building can hear, well, we'd all sure gosh darn genuinely appreciate it. And maybe try reading a book, perhaps consulting a dictionary, and you might actually bring a girl (or guy, depending on your predilection) home one of these days, and you could potentially get laid for once instead of bad mouthing the girls who won't sleep with you, you unattractive, insufferable douchbags. —Love, All of Us at Apt. #___.

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