You Can't Always Get What You Want

I'm the second person in a DINK marriage. We can't have kids. He is infertile...completely. It's not a choice that we can't have kids. It's a choice that we aren't going to have kids. It's not something we planned. When we were dating, we would talk for hours about our future kids. These fictional kids had names, hobbies, played sports and had dreams. My dream kids called me Mom. They ran to me when hurt or needed a hug. They said "Goodnight Mommy, I love you" after I read them a story or sang them a song at bedtime. I think I would have made a wonderful parent. My husband would have been a terrific father. But, after finding out we can't just cook a kid for 9 months, we opted to not have kids.


Because my husband would always be the one person in the relationship that is not genetically related to the kid. Do I want to do that to my husband? No. Because adoption is invasive, intrusive and isn't as easy as everyone thinks it is. You want to adopt an infant...either wait 7-10 years or hand over tens of thousand of dollars...and we will be made to feel like we are doing something wrong or hiding something from all the questions we are asked. (I don't disagree with this process...simply commenting on it from my perspective.)

Why am I writing this? Because I want to. And, I want to write a few things that you shouldn't say to DINKS.

-You're not having kids? I guess you'll save a lot of money.
-Why don't you just adopt? (this one stings)
-You wouldn't understand unless you had kids.
-You can always have Fur-babies. (they're animals, not kids!)
-Wow, you couldn't get pregnant? I got pregnant the same month I went off the pill.
-Your husband is infertile? Why don't you just sleep with someone else to get pregnant? (where do I start with this one?)

These were all said to me. And, I realize that someone will have a different experience than me, but really, this is my experience and it hurts. —Sad right now

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