You're right, I was not there to see them when they were "coherent", maybe you should have contacted me to let me know they were sick in hospital!
I IMMEDIATELY went when someone mentioned how sick they actually were, and I sat vigil with the rest of the family who did nothing but stare at their basically lifeless body, wiping at their faces with kleenex while calculating the size of the estate. (FYI, there isn't one. I didn't go to make an appearance to be added to the will like some of you).
I did not stay as long as some of you, I have done the bedside vigil before, I find it an insult to the patient's dignity, and would prefer to remember them hale and hearty. What we were there for was support of each other, which, FYI, nobody else DID and I was berated for attempting.
You don't have the right to judge me. Martyr yourself all over Facebook and in the hospital as the "doting" relative who has been there every day (which is bullshit). You can go fuck yourself.
I prefer not to watch the dying exhalation of someone I loved so I can relive it over and over again every time I think of them. Good luck with that. But then again I am sure you'll love to tell the story to everyone who will listen about how horrifying it was to witness.
Oh, and if you could afford to be at the hospital "every day", you can probably afford to pay the funeral expenses. No? Didn't think so.Good thing I am in on THAT plan. Although I am sure you'll forget about that when telling the story to your friends about how "horrible" I am. —Been there, done that.