Your Dog is Not a Child

42 comments
My child does not shit randomly everywhere making you spend hundreds of hours of your life cleaning my child's shit off your carpet, your shoes, your car, your child's clothing; fucking everything and everywhere. My child does not have sharp teeth which injure or maim people and destroy fucking everything in the house, nor does my child run up to smaller children and shove those teeth in their terrified face while I say "Oh it's ok he loves kids!" My child does not jump up on you and destroy your brand new coat and I do not lamely say "oh sweetie get down" and do absolutely nothing while my child continues to jump up with his claws decimating your investment. My child does not get so excited with every new visitor to the house that he runs up to each one and fucking urinates on their shoes, nor would I think it's cute that my child licks your face or shoves his nose in your crotch or whines/growls at you. If my child behaved like your fucking smelly dog, I'd get daily professional help immediately. —Don't get me started on cat shit - Halifax

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