Catman, don't

The robins have arrived, but those early birds aren't getting any worms this year. (It's basically christmas at easter in case you hadn't noticed!!!) This is why I have a weird apple chunk/mealworm/sunflower seed/water bowl buffet thing going on in my backyard. It's for the chickadees and the White-throated Sparrows and the Robins and the Woodcocks. That's right, Woodcocks. You should youtube "American Woodcock shows off dance moves" right now. Trouble these days, is, your outdoor cats are climbing up on the snow banks, or hiding in the drifts, all with the purpose of murdering birds for sport!! WTF, neighbors. I know these aren't strays, I hear you calling your cat in at night, and that cute calico one has her name in sparkly letters on the collar. Did you know, it's a fact that every cat you let out, no matter how much you feed it, is just going to go out there and kill as many innocent critters as it can get its paws on? There aren't even any floppy leaves around this year for your cat to chase instead. That really sucks for the birds, dude. They've got it hard enough. The poor things flew up here for thousands of miles, down from south 'merica, real 'merica, etcetera. The whole way home, they were dodging smoke stacks, open ponds of toxic waste, light-bright coffee farms that have no bugs for them to eat, clearcuts, sky scrapers covered in trick mirrors, crazy spotlights on malls, etcetera! Somehow those little Turdus' (for real, Turdus is the latin name of Robin, google it) made it to our backyards. It's a miracle!!!!!! Right now they're pretty hungry I bet. So, I'm just asking you, would you please keep your pussy on lockdown? At least till the snow melts, and then you can let them out so they can kill all the baby nestlings. Right now the grown ups are hangry. You know what is a more awesomer cat sport? Tying a bag of catnip to a string, and tying that string to a ceiling fan blade. Try it sometime. Leave that innocent Turdus and the Woodcock alone. Thank you. If you don't have a ceiling fan, invite people over for a knitting party, make a cardboard kingdom, get some plywood and build a tree, install PVC tube tunnelling around the ceilings or watch every video of Maru for inspiration. —love a pussy, respect the bird

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