"The birds are starving, but my dog needs a shit."

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You know the birds are starving. It's on TV, in the papers, fuck, they're literally dropping out of the sky from starvation. Yesterday, when you brought your comically oversized horse/dog into a neighbor's yard to sneak his giant 6 AM shitloaf and saw a newly-filed plastic dish piled high with birdseed, apple slices and rasberries, who in the FUCK ELECTED YOU TO TOSS THE WHOLE COCKSUCKING THING INTO THE NEAREST GREEN BIN? You know what? Fuck it. Don't even worry about it. Neighborhoods are full of questions that will never be answered, like "Were you an abused child?", or "Why does your spouse go through so much peanut butter when you're away?", or my personal favorite: "Why is there a gigantic chunk of fresh dogshit in the barbeque that you love so, so much?". So many, many questions. —BirdieNumNum

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