Dear Mr "Thank You For Asking"

I am so, so, SO, so sorry for daring to walk on the sidewalk! You see, I wasn't aware that that particular bit of PUBLIC sidewalk wasn't actually PUBLIC at all, and in fact belonged to you and your company! I should have realized that I had to ask your permission before walking on it, or that I had to wait while you took however fucking long it was that you were gonna take to move that giant ass thing you were moving, OR instead of waiting, just gone ahead and walked right into that inches deep puddle of mud that would have gotten my shoes completely wet and disgusting instead of just quickly walking by you on the sidewalk! That was really MY mistake, kind sir. Thinking back, I really should have just gone ahead and done that, because right now I could be having SO much more fun cleaning mud and god knows what else off my shoes and my apartment and apologising to my building's janitor for tracking all that throughout my building! Gosh, I really, TRULLY, DEEPLY, am SO, SO, SOOOOO sorry!!! I'm such a fucking bitch! Ugh! Wow, don't worry though, your sarcastic little fuckface sure taught me! I won't ever dare to walk on a PUBLIC FUCKING SIDEWALK EVER again. —Go fuck yourself and your fucking fence, Asswhipe.


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