Flatulent Facebook commenters fall into three groups: (1) the Mindlessly Mute, (2) The Page Hogs and (3) The Bumpers.

(1) The Mindlessly Mute: Since they have nothing to say because they have no minds, the Mindlessly Mute cannot properly be called "flatulent" which, if nothing else, suggests the expulsion of hot blow. No, the Mindlessly Mute, even if they happen to be one's "friends," expel no blow, hot or otherwise. They are just mute. They contribute nothing. They are dead weight.

(2) The Page Hogs: The Page Hogs have one thing in common: They flood the page with multiple, near identical posts. They come in two varieties: (a) The Commercial Page Hog who floods the page with his garbage since he wants to make money. (See "I Love t-shirt—not available in stores!") and (b) The Phony, the one who floods the page with photographs of his one obsession, birds for example, which he claims are his own but are obviously photographed from a published album of coloured prints of birds. He is a bold plagiarist. He is a thief.

(c) The Bumpers: Both the Commercial Page Hog and the Phony have one thing in common: They will bump any critical comment of their posts and replace it with one (or more) of their own even if their own comment is irrelevant to the criticism and has been posted hours or even days previously. It might be called a "Robo-Response" to shut down all criticism.

So there we have it—the Mindlessly Mute, the Page Hogs and the Bumpers—all contributing their share to the flatulence that is Facebook. —Unfriend This