An ode to assholes

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To those who cut people off in the crosswalks; to those who leave raw meat in the chip aisle to rot; to those who call me an "ugly bitch" when I turn down your advances; to those who leave their dogs in hot cars; to those who treat the world like their personal trash cans; thank you. Thank you for giving me confidence. Thank you for helping me learn to accept myself. Because no matter what I do in life, whether I achieve my dreams or fail miserably, I know I will never be as much of an asshole as you. And that makes me more comfortable with myself than success ever will. —Not a saint, but not an asshole

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