To the crew of drunken dudes chanting "Hey! We want some pussy!" in unison outside my building at midnight on Saturday: I assume you were on the way to the bar seeking vaginas with deludedly high hopes of intercourse. You may want to consider that those vaginas have real human beings attached to them, and when you assemble in ape-like packs chanting occult hymns of sexual objectification you create an aura of female repellant that hangs over your every encounter with a human female that might otherwise be interested in you. —Rudely awakened