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Animal kingdumb

Tuesday, July 9, 2019

Pick at home and cover your mouth

Posted By on Tue, Jul 9, 2019 at 8:17 AM

Seriously? You believe the best place to pick at your fly bites and scabs is at the bus stop and on the bus? Not only were you picking—not scratching, but full on picking—your fly bites and scabs, but then you were wiping the blood onto your legs, arms and the bus seat. Come the hell on! How were you raised? No one wants to see that shit. It's disgusting. Then to top it all off you start sneezing with your yap wide open spreading your snot and spit all over the place for all to enjoy. Thanks so much for that. The topper to all of this was the huge wad of spit you graciously left on the side of the street before getting on the bus. Grow up and get some manners. I feel bad for whomever had to sit next to you on the bus.
—Wishing for some hand sanitizer
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Thursday, July 4, 2019

Bad cat owners

Posted By on Thu, Jul 4, 2019 at 3:59 PM

This is the second time I saw your cat left outside, sitting on your doorstep in the pouring rain waiting to get inside your house.
So, I decide to go across the street and ring your doorbell to tell you your cat wants to come inside. Then you tell me that it is ok that your cat stays out in the rain. Really? Maybe you should stay out in the rain, idiot, and see if you like it and let your cat come inside your house. You do not deserve to have a cat or any pet.
If you didn't want a cat then you shouldn't have adopt it!—A happy cat owner
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Monday, June 17, 2019

Free the Leash

Posted By on Mon, Jun 17, 2019 at 3:08 PM

WTF Halifax? Long Lake Provincial Park, over 2,000 hectares and nary a centimetre dedicated for dogs to run and swim, unless you risk being fined. There is room for all. FTL (Free the Leash).
—Johnny FTHC
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Tuesday, June 4, 2019

I guess it's douchebag weather again

Posted By on Tue, Jun 4, 2019 at 11:52 AM

Oh cool, oh great. It's been nice outside for five whole minutes so those goddamn Segway tours are running again. A crowd of assholes hogging the sidewalk/pathway/boardwalk because they want to have fun and are, incidentally, incapable of thinking of others or MOVING OVER means I'll stay inside until September.
—share the sidewalk, Segway shitheads!
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Monday, June 3, 2019

Car sales run over pet health care

Posted By on Mon, Jun 3, 2019 at 1:16 PM

Sighhhhh. When does a big auto-dealership baron on peninsular Halifax have enough space for his cars? Not yet—not until his little neighbour, a veterinary clinic that's been on the corner of North and Robie streets for decades, vacates at the end of June. The car dealer's company owns the vet hospital property, and the impending loss of that site is the latest development in the dealer's contentious parking-lot expansion. If city hall truly wants to create and maintain walkable communities, and it does, then bulldozing a place many locals and their furry friends could always access on foot seems to conflict with that planning philosophy. More lot space, more cars, more drivers on the road. This shit's fucked up.
—Pongo McCritter
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Tuesday, May 21, 2019

Bitch poetry slam

Posted By on Tue, May 21, 2019 at 3:34 PM

Bring Back Bald Britney
She a boss ass bitch
with an umbrella ella ella
Bustin up car windows
No more dancing Vegas puppet
Handlers at the kitty cat ranch

Fat Palimony bitchboy
Federline fed enough
He eatin like a king,
Bling bling bling,
Cut him off judge!
Leave Britney alone!
Illuminati queen, next to Bey
But I like Sahsa Fierce better.

Bring back bald Britney
and bald Bynes too.
Yas yas yas queens
Yous the real shits
Stay Woke
—Read between the lines

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Tuesday, April 9, 2019


Posted By on Tue, Apr 9, 2019 at 10:56 AM

Why the fuck isn't the city doing the road work at night, like all of Europe does?
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Monday, April 1, 2019

To all the independent landlords in this city:

Posted By on Mon, Apr 1, 2019 at 5:35 PM

Why are you making it so difficult for me to rent with you? I'm a 30-year-old professional with a full-time job. I'm a non-smoker with excellent credit and no pets. The only time I spend at home is to eat and sleep. In other words, I'm literally your ideal candidate. Yet most of you won't even reply to my initial inquiry! And if you do, you're only available for viewings during business hours! Who are you trying to rent to? The unemployed? If it's this difficult to get initial contact with you, what's going to happen if I encounter a problem with my place? Who do you think pays your mortgage? Why doesn't anybody return my call? I give up. All of you suck.
—Going with a properly managed leasing agent
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Not enough doctors

Posted By on Mon, Apr 1, 2019 at 5:33 PM

We live in Nova Scotia where we have a medical school and not enough doctors. It is sickening to me to think I have wanted to become a doctor my whole life (one that remains in this province) and it is simply a matter of being able to afford to do it. Education for the guarantee of a doctor remaining in province seems like a good way to fix our situation.
—Wants to help
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Tuesday, March 12, 2019

Downward dog poop

Posted By on Tue, Mar 12, 2019 at 12:34 PM

Okay I get it. Our sidewalks are bullshit, blah blah six o'clock news, but when it comes to picking up the poop, most of us dog owners are creating new yoga poses over snow banks in order to be good citizens and pick up. So, when I see a chunk of snow atop a poop it irritates me: If you are gonna be jack ass and not pick up, fine. But don't try and be crafty about it.
—Just being a poophead
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Tuesday, January 22, 2019


Posted By on Tue, Jan 22, 2019 at 12:38 PM

Kijiji buyers are the MOST annoying motherfuckers on this planet. WHY the fuck can't you assholes read the instructions in the ad? It says call the number. Don't send me a million messages to my email. I'm not sitting at the computer all day playing with you fucking idiots. Call the number to pick up the item or fuck off. Secondly, when you fuckheads email me, "Hi im interested, is the item still available?" I always reply, "Yes! It is!" And then I never hear from you again. WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM? Why ask me if it's still available if you don't fucking want it? I have to sit around on the computer and keep checking for your response. So fucking annoying! You people make me sick. This shit is being sold at a bargain. If you don't wanna buy it, fuck the hell off and go pay full price at the mall.
—Pulling my ads before I pull out my hair
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Monday, January 14, 2019

Dogs and apartments don't mix

Posted By on Mon, Jan 14, 2019 at 1:50 PM

Let me preface this by saying I don't like dogs. I don't hate them—I grew up with them until I moved out—but, well, if I wanted to look after something obnoxiously energetic and desperate for attention, I'd have kids by now. That said, however, I hate it when people living in an apartment (call it a condo all you want, you owning it doesn't mean you aren't still sharing walls and ceiling and floor with strangers) buy a dog. Not because the dog annoys me personally, though they do, but because it's cruel to the animal and disrespectful to your neighbours.
When it comes to your neighbours, unless your dog is trained at the level of a professional service dog, they will bark and run around and just generally make a racket at some point or another when you don't want them to. This is bad when it's in the house next door; sharing a wall/floor/ceiling with it can be, and often is, even worse. As for the dog itself, dogs aren't meant to be kept in small spaces. Even keeping them in too small of a house can have them constantly over-energized without a proper yard or something for them to run in. Apartments are obviously even worse, unless you decide to buy out an entire floor of your building so your dog can have space. Taking them out for a half-hour or an hour walk isn't enough to burn all that energy off unless your dog is hella lethargic or just really old.
So even if you don't care about your neighbours, you should care about your dog. If you have a dog, buy or rent a house instead of a cramped 2-bedroom apartment downtown, and if you're planning on getting a dog while living in an apartment, don't! Not until you're ready to give them the space they need! Considering that a good number of dog owners treat their pets better than other humans, it baffles and infuriates me that this simple point of care is ignored by so many of them.
—Living with a pent-up pooch is no fun for anyone
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Tuesday, January 8, 2019

Holy fuck, Halifax, learn to read!

Posted By on Tue, Jan 8, 2019 at 12:23 PM

If a business puts a sign on their door that isn't a promotional poster of some kind, chances are they're trying to let you know something that will affect your shopping experience. For example, when a fast food restaurant has a sign on the door that says "No beef, only chicken and fish", that means they aren't selling beef products. Maybe if you would actually read the sign before placing an order for hamburgers, you wouldn't need to waste everyone's time asking for what isn't available. Seriously, it takes three seconds, less even, to read most notices of this sort. How lazy, unobservant, or just fucking stupid are you to not be able to see the note, read the note, and either fuck off or change your plans accordingly? I know fewer people read for pleasure than in the past, but come on. How hard is it to read 10 words meant to inform you? Smarten up Halifax!
—Sometimes I feel like the only literate person in this damn city
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Pull the fuck over!

Posted By on Tue, Jan 8, 2019 at 12:10 PM

Seriously, ambulances don't put on their lights and sirens for just anyone. If it's flashing and wailing, someone is going to die pronto unless they get the care they need. I sat for over a minute on a Sunday night as cars AND pedestrians blocked an ambulance with full lights and sirens! Do you understand the difference one minute makes to your life versus to the person in the back of the ambulance? Pull the fuck over! Stop fucking walking! Make fucking room!
—Wail me a river
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Monday, December 17, 2018


Posted By on Mon, Dec 17, 2018 at 5:11 PM

I thought paying five bucks for a cup of coffee in NYC was bad, until I came to your neighbourhood where they serve a $12 grilled cheese sandwich. No, I didn't order one as I'm over the age of ten—this was a special advertised outside of the eatery. You want $12 for two pieces of buttered Wonderbread and a slice of processed cheese? Seriously? I could buy a whole loaf of bread, a pack of cheese slices and a tub of butter for that! It is no surprise that a few weeks later there is a sign on the front door of said eatery that says, "We will be closing our shop soon". No kidding! Same goes for the hipster coffee shops that charge you eight bucks for an egg sandwich! I could get a big bagel sandwich with egg, sausage and cheese with a hashbrown and an extra large coffee for that price elsewhere. These shop owners need to get their head out the clouds. This ain't Hollywood or NYC! Don't even get me started on the used clothing consignment shops! 100 bucks for a pair of strangers' old stinky shoes? This is getting ridiculous. This isn't downtown. Lower your prices or go under!
—Home brew & garage croissants
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Vol 27, No 8
July 18, 2019

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