As a healthcare professional, I felt compelled to respond to the recent "Tastes like chicken" Bitch concerning the smell of a woman's vagina. The facts given were not only inaccurate, but potentially harmful. A "fishy" odour is indicative of not only a bacterial infection but also STIs that may render the carrier infertile. If you or your partner notice a change in your feminine scent do not "keep on licking" but rather be mature enough to talk about it, just like you would if you discovered a lump in your partner's breast or scrotum.
—Please Go To The Doctor

Fish odor syndrome is real and common. I'm so sick of the spread of misinformation out there. Everyone seems to think the fishy smell means bacterial vaginosis. Very rarely is that the case. If you smell like fish, it means you probably recently ate fish! I spoke with my girlfriends about this and they agree it happens to them, too. When you eat fish or seafood, it can take up to 72 hours for it to get out of your system.

So ladies, don't let uneducated idiots make you feel like there's something wrong with you. If you eat a whole pot of seafood chowder, you better cancel all your dates for a week. It's called science. Quit callin' women dirty and educate yourself. For your information, the smell comes back 10 minutes after a shower. There is no infection, itch or discharge. So shut up and plug your nose!
—Keep On Lickin'

If ya'll losers want to get some this spring fling season, get off Tinder and join the land of the living. Bring back chivalry and etiquette, the art of courtship. Carry yourselves with class. If you want to date me, you will need to ask me out on a date 48 hours in advance. So for a Saturday night date, you will need to ask me on or before Thursday. At which time, you should have a plan for said date, ie: dinner and a time in which you will be picking me up or meeting me at the restaurant (depending on how well I know you). Do not call me after 8pm on the evening that you would like to see me, because I won't even answer your call, let alone accept your request.

If by the third date, I have not received flowers, I will be cutting you loose.

You are not to be on your cell phone at all during our dates. Be present, be interesting. Don't talk about yourself the whole time either, you narcissists. Conversations should be give and take. Pay the dinner tab and at the end of the night, don't expect a payoff. You will be getting a peck if you're lucky. If I feel you're worthy of a second date, you better bring your A game. If you get to a third date, and get lucky, take yourself off dating sites and try to seek a commitment. Otherwise, I will assume you are a fuckboy and cut you loose.
—Miss Manners

Why would you cheat on your girlfriend? Why would you do it for years? Did you seriously think she wouldn't find out? Did you think I wouldn't find out you were in a relationship? WTF. You got the best of both worlds: Nice girlfriend to go home to, cuddle with, cry to. And when she didn't provide, there I was. No more, you dirty dog. No wonder you didn't want to be in a relationship with me: You were already in one, you fuck nut. I'm sorry I didn't figure this out sooner and in turn, hope you're alone for the rest of your life.
—Your ex side bitch

After reading "somehow still single," I wonder where women like her are. I enjoy bringing women candy and flowers, being well groomed and enjoying good company. I've been told Im good looking and in good shape and guess what? Single.
—Somehow still single

Hello brothers/sisters/in between/up above/however you identify as. Don't do yoga with the girl you're dating unless you've already farted around one another. Peace be with you,
—Another name for a gamble

I haven't been in the dating game for five years and what a rude awakening—times have changed!! I feel like I am drowning in a hopeless pit of Haligonian men who can't even commit to a date let alone a relationship! It's so disheartening that this is the state of our society. Apparently even in their mid-30s these men can't get it together. —Single Now and Maybe Forever

Where did all of the good women go?
That is the "nice guys'" repeating motto.
We are still here, I tell you true;
but nice is not how we shall see you.
We have grown up, looking for more,
but what we've found, we avoid for sure.
You might be great, but the problem, see,
is first impressions are the key.
So here is what I've found to be,
the most annoying to single ladies:

No written words, one single photo,
with a left swipe, that's where you'll go.
You've lots of friends, this I can see,
but group pics are no way to be,
my eye may catch, but in the end,
it could be you, or your best friend.
If I don't know, or cannot tell,
I'll soon give up: left swipe, farewell!
So dial it down to only one man
(preferably you. No catfish scam).
All us women love a pretty view,
So give us lots of pics to go through!

So now you have more than one pic
and it’s just you and you look slick,
there are more things you should consider
when choosing pics that will deliver.
We want to see the real you,
don't hide your face with angles, dude.
Stop with all the pictures of back tattoos,
please be in focus and not in costume.
We wish more smiles were on your face
and less sunglasses in every place
and no more shirtless bathroom pics,
no more bar photos with drunk chicks.

Are you trying to flip me the bird?
It is unclear and just absurd
and who is that child? Can you explain?
Shown only once, never mentioned again!?
It’s fine to say at a later date,
Just don’t show the kid, that would be great.
It’s cool that you go to the gym a lot
but cocky is how those pics come across.
I promise that we can see you’re fit,
no need to draw attention to it.

And please write something, ANYTHING will do!
Your profile helps us learn about you.
Say something relatable and true,
who knows? I could relate to it too.
But lying helps neither of us,
so don’t do that, it’s a big plus.
And keep it light and positive,
no one wants to talk when you’re negative.

It’s fine to start with a "Hello,"
show interest and conversations flow
but if it is not meant to be,
just say goodbye (and politely).
Don’t call me ugly, fat or rude,
don’t Casper me, like children do,
don’t make it harder than it has to be,
and try not to take it personally.
Dating is hard in a city this small,
it’s not Pokémon, you can’t catch us all.
We’re all still learning, this game is new
and harder than it should be, too.

You want respect, not to waste your time,
so give it back and don’t waste mine.
I know we’ll learn along the way,
so be honest and kind and seek what you say.
—Single Women Everywhere

The farts and feminism method.

Step 1:  Drink an entire bottle of cheap wine. The kind with high sulfur content.  Do not decant.
Step 2:  Invite your lover over for “Netflix and chill” approximately eight hours later.
Step 3:  By the time he arrives, the uncontrollable flatulence will have filled your apartment with a hotbox of unbearable rotten egg stank that no amount of air freshener or open windows could possibly clear.
Step 4:  Proceed to discuss an article you read about feminism.  Be sure to bring up the wage gap at least a couple of times!
Step 5:  Watch him struggle to come up with a reason he has to leave as he scrambles to the door, boner killed, never to be heard from again. —Oopsy

When you're a plus-sized woman whose casual encounters numbers are a hell of a lot higher than the serious relationships score (and not by your choice), you begin to accept whatever you are able get out of the people that you're into, but claim they're only looking for something casual. Then a few weeks/months pass by and they’re in a serious relationship with some chick half your size. Sounds quite pathetic of me, I know. How’s that saying go? “You only accept the love you think you deserve”?

Well, girl, when the only form of love you’re getting is behind closed doors, you either need to deal with the emotional hurt and enjoy what you do get or sit alone in your bed for hours watching the same damn Netflix shows over and over again.

And when I say plus-sized, I'm not talking in the “big tits, big ass” way or even in the chubby in the right places, got a bit of a belly type. I'm talking chubby in all the "wrong" places, small tits, small ass, big belly type. Don’t get me wrong, I love the current body I have and I’m comfortable in my own skin and work towards being the best damn me I can be. But, there are still quite a few people who haven't been able to accept me for who I am. People that don't even play a part in my life, but feel the need they have to. Anyway, that's a whole other jar of pickles that doesn't need to opened right now.

I’m not saying that everyone has to be attracted to the plus-sized body type. We all have our own preferences, traits, interests that we look for in people. I would never think less of anyone that didn’t want to date me due to my body type, I’m sure there’s something about them that could be a deal breaker for me as well. What I'm talking about are the ones that are sexually attracted to you and have expressed and shown this, but are scared to admit it either themselves or others.So, they want to keep you as their dirty little secret. Whatever the reasoning behind it, it doesn’t feel too damn good.

The only explanation I've been able to come up with is that, of course, they’re not going to want to show off someone like me to their friends and family. Most people consider their partner as a type of ‘prize’ for all to see. Especially in heterosexual relationships, women are famous for being the ‘pretty thing' on the man's arm. Well, when the only 'pretty thing' the mass majority of people will see on your girl is her personality and maybe some of her facial features. You don’t get very far.

I know some of you could be thinking “Wow, that sucks. People shouldn’t care what others think if they’re into someone,” cliché saying, etc, etc. But let's get real, people. Talk is cheap. I have been in the dating world too long to try to hide behind it any longer. Sure, it’s gotten a lot better over the years. People are definitely more accepting and open than they used to be, but it’s still a mess out there.

So, for all of you who have fell victim to this: You’re not alone. For all of you who have just realized how you might be making people feel, go suck an egg. You knew what you were doing, no one can be that oblivious. —Fatty With No Daddy