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Etiquette, please

Wednesday, June 19, 2019

Can't we just be nice to everyone

Posted By on Wed, Jun 19, 2019 at 2:38 PM

I'm tired of being treated like shit by my customers in the retail industry (and I'm sure other industries feel this too).

It is my job to talk to you when you walk into my store. I have to say hello. I have to ask you if you need any help. It's my job to tell you the price of an item. The amount of customers who won't even let me greet them is astonishing. The amount of "Hi, how are you?" responded with "Just looking" makes me exhausted. I'm being nice and I'm trying to help you. Let me do my job. If you can't handle the social interaction just stick to amazon.ca.

Also, many people have never had to work in retail and it really shows! The amount of people who get upset with the associate for a policy or sale that is out of their control is ridiculous. I've been called a cunt and a bitch for something out of my control. It does nothing to help your situation and makes the associate feel like shit.

If you're reading this, please be nice to those whose job it is to interact with you, we just want you to be nice.
—Tired of crappy customers

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Sunday, June 16, 2019

Dear Fuckboys

Posted By on Sun, Jun 16, 2019 at 1:51 PM

If ya'll losers want to get some this spring fling season, get off Tinder and join the land of the living. Bring back chivalry and etiquette, the art of courtship. Carry yourselves with class. If you want to date me, you will need to ask me out on a date 48 hours in advance. So for a Saturday night date, you will need to ask me on or before Thursday. At which time, you should have a plan for said date, ie: dinner and a time in which you will be picking me up or meeting me at the restaurant (depending on how well I know you). Do not call me after 8pm on the evening that you would like to see me, because I won't even answer your call, let alone accept your request.

If by the third date, I have not received flowers, I will be cutting you loose.

You are not to be on your cell phone at all during our dates. Be present, be interesting. Don't talk about yourself the whole time either, you narcissists. Conversations should be give and take. Pay the dinner tab and at the end of the night, don't expect a payoff. You will be getting a peck if you're lucky. If I feel you're worthy of a second date, you better bring your A game. If you get to a third date, and get lucky, take yourself off dating sites and try to seek a commitment. Otherwise, I will assume you are a fuckboy and cut you loose.
—Miss Manners
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Friday, June 14, 2019

Point Pleasant Park and dog owners

Posted By on Fri, Jun 14, 2019 at 1:26 PM

world-in-trash.jpg

So this weekend an absolute psycho who had their dog off-leash in PPP during a marathon caused a runner to trip over it. Said psycho then got in their car, chased the runner, and then assaulted them.

A lot of people will rush to say this kind of behaviour is not indicative of the average dog owner in PPP, but that's bullshit.

As someone who walks/runs in the park often, it's amazing how absolutely inconsiderate and irresponsible most of the dog owners are by allowing their poorly trained pets to impede you constantly. While not much of an issue while walking, for those running and biking in the park it causes a serious health risk to both themselves and the dog.

PPP is for supposed to be for everyone, despite what the hordes of shitty dog owners seem to think.
—TheParkWhisperer

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Tuesday, May 21, 2019

Streets as garbage bins

Posted By on Tue, May 21, 2019 at 3:47 PM

To the person who chucked their whole McDonald's lunch litter into the middle of Dublin Street between Young and Cork Streets on May 21st, here's the refuse you refused to recycle or even take home: large paper bag (recyclable), burger carton (recyclable), two paper napkins (compostable), a whole large bacon and cheddar angus bun (compostable.), a salad container (garbage) the container cover (recyclable), an unopened package of croutons (compostable and recyclable), a plastic fork (recyclable) the fork wrapper (recyclable), a paper and plastic bag (recyclable) and a very large piece of garbage: You! Lots of retired people live along there and some have surveillance and are hyper vigilant. One lady I spoke with saw the bag being chucked and others may have you on their cameras. The world can't afford trash like you any more. Smarten up. You're being watched more than you think.
—Tired of trash chuckers
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Monday, January 28, 2019

To the farter at the gym

Posted By on Mon, Jan 28, 2019 at 5:17 PM

Not to sound like a bro, but could I kindly ask that when I am doing my morning exercises at the gym that you not fart near the weights? As you may or may not know, breathing is a huge part in getting those "gains" and...yeah breathing that is not pleasant.

I would like to point out that it's a normal function of the body, but I mean to be honest, it really smelled like doo-doo. Time and place for everything.

Thank you.
—R Kray

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Tuesday, October 9, 2018

Please don't spit on the sidewalk

Posted By on Tue, Oct 9, 2018 at 2:46 PM

To the young man standing outside the barbershop, smoking a joint and coughing up several (seven actually) unique balls of gob from your throat and projecting them across the pavement toward the bus stop where I was standing tonight, I'd just like to let you know that you are not cool. In fact, you are so gross I nearly vomited. On the last gob, I couldn't help emitting a little "Ugh" sound, and when you looked over, I told you how much I felt like vomiting. You cheerfully replied "it's only spit, dear." No it fucking wasn't. It was half the contents of your diseased lungs and it was so horrid and antisocial. Next time, spit AWAY from people. Thank you.
—Spitting mad
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Wednesday, September 12, 2018

Simple sidewalk etiquette

Posted By on Wed, Sep 12, 2018 at 5:04 PM

1. If you are walking in a group, don't spread out to take up the entire goddamn sidewalk—especially when you see someone walking toward you. It won't kill you to stop talking for 10 seconds and walk in single file to get out of the way so other people aren't forced off the sidewalk.
2. If you're walking alone, don't weave back and forth across the entire sidewalk. Someone might want to try to pass you and we can't do that if you keep meandering randomly from side to side in front of us. Unless you're absolutely fucking shitfaced, there's no reason for it. And speaking of passing...
3. Just like in a car, if someone behind you speeds up to pass you, don't speed up to match them. I know it's kind of a Nova Scotia tradition, but it's not a race. Some people are gonna walk faster than you. Get over it and let them walk by.
Done being run off the sidewalk
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Tuesday, June 19, 2018

Birthday blues

Posted By on Tue, Jun 19, 2018 at 9:23 AM

Why do you bring up my birthday and my age every time I see you?  It isn’t just cruel  but also weird and just plain bad manners. Stop being such a passive-aggressive bully. —IB

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Monday, May 28, 2018

Movie theatre etiquette

Posted By on Mon, May 28, 2018 at 4:26 PM

I hate the movie theatre rocker seats! I’m tall and I like my kneecaps, so when you sit your fat ass down in front of me, don’t throw yourself in the seat. Gently sit down and do NOT rock on! It’s not a frickin’ metal concert! —G. Rant

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Friday, May 18, 2018

Bus etiquette

Posted By on Fri, May 18, 2018 at 1:49 PM

If you would like your bus to be on time, don't be a part of the problem that causes delays! There are clear instructions posted everywhere in the bus to EXIT AT THE REAR DOOR. Each time a passenger exits at the front, it makes the people wanting to get on the bus have to wait. Also, DON'T STAND IN THE REAR DOORWAY!  This, naturally, does not pertain to the elderly, mothers with strollers and handicapped passengers. —Rolling My Eyes

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Friday, February 23, 2018

Get headphones like the rest of us

Posted By on Fri, Feb 23, 2018 at 9:30 AM

To the dudes at a north end cafe blasting mostly shitty hip hop remixes on their laptops. I don't go blasting my music/ tv shows/ movies what have you in cafes and restaurants...know why? Because it's rude. Not everybody wants to hear your music blasting throughout the cafe. Don't think so? How would you like it if I started blasting my pop favourites, my ’90s jams, my hospital dramas, my favourite Disney theme songs what have you. Before you go thinking you have a free-standing entitlement to play shit from your laptop remember you would probably be pissed if everybody else acted on that entitlement, so learn some damn manners and get headphones like the rest of us you obnoxious jackasses. —Learn The Social Contract of Cafe Etiquette


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Tuesday, February 13, 2018

Chatting me up at the gym

Posted By on Tue, Feb 13, 2018 at 10:05 AM

We attend the same exercise class. I'm not there to chat with men I don't know, and my body language would make that pretty clear. Weekly, you make odd approaches where you come up and brag about your accomplishments. A new and unappreciated technique of yours is to comment on sections of the class where I seemed to get tired or modify. MY new approach is to try and keep my head down and avoid all eye contact, but even that fails me.

Here is what I struggle with—your small talk may seem polite enough to you, and you/people may think I was rude if I made a big public scene where I told you to take a hike. But actually, you are persistently making me uncomfortable, and THAT is rude. Up until now it has been my own fault that I have selected “not seeming rude” over my own comfort. Those days are over. Consider yourself warned. —Eyes On Your Own Mat


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Monday, December 18, 2017

Bearing your sole

Posted By on Mon, Dec 18, 2017 at 4:31 PM

WE really should be thanking YOU. You know us (users of the scenic fifth floor reading room at the public library) and our repressed sexual proclivities (foot fetishes) even better than we know ourselves.  You know that we are all just sitting there pretending to read, but deep down we are DYING to see your bare-ass feet up on the coffee table. We await the moment you regularly come in, take off your shoes and socks, and unleash your sweaty man-hooves up on and all over the communal furniture, with  bonus titillation for those of us sexually aroused by foot fungus and general dude-foot gnarliness. Everyone who uses that reading room loves it, and what may seem like collective retching or an oppressive wave of utter disgust is actually all of us orgasming in unison. I’ve arranged for you to get the key to the city for your dedicated public service. —Repressed Foot Fetishist



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Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Hydrophobic City of Lakes

Posted By on Tue, Nov 28, 2017 at 4:30 PM

I can only assume that the average Dartmouth apartment does not include luxuries like running water or laundry rooms. What else might explain the overpowering nostril assault of armpit, crotch, stale cigarettes, and weed wafting from the masses on public transit past the bridge?  C'mon Dartmouth dwellers, let's have a personal hygiene moment every now and again—can’t let those Haligonians think we have no pride! —A Rare Bathing Dartmouthian


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Tuesday, November 7, 2017

Excuse me, excuse you

Posted By on Tue, Nov 7, 2017 at 4:39 PM

If a men glances once through a crack in a public men's room bathroom stall door to check out the situation, OK…Twice, just double-checkin', forgivable…but a third time! Gimme a fuckin' break bruv! And hey, I got a question for y'all readin’...If and when this shit does occur does not the man who was in there first and sitting reserve the right to say “What's up!?” or “Keep your eyes to yourself.” —WL


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In Print This Week

Vol 27, No 4
June 20, 2019

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