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Saturday, September 7, 2019

Why does no one ever write a Love about me?

Posted By on Sat, Sep 7, 2019 at 9:05 AM

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I read the Loves all the time hoping someday one will be from someone who noticed me on a bus or at the grocery store and wished they'd said something. Many of these are clearly written about my friends or people I know who get noticed in a "missed connections" kind of way and maybe it's petty of me, but… how come I never get written about? I'm a hell of a woman. Not as thin as my younger prettier friends who get written about? Hmm. Or am I just "intimidating" like they say? I'm not! I'm friendly and approachable! I love people! Unless you're a creep. Then you can fuck right off. Maybe it's just creeps who write in? What does that make me? Oh shit.
—Worth Noticing
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Monday, March 19, 2018

Dear self-righteous friend

Posted By on Mon, Mar 19, 2018 at 4:40 PM

Try just once starting a sentence without the use of your favourite word “I.” You speak almost always about yourself, your toys, your work, your beliefs about yourself, etc. We’re proud of you, we’re glad your doing well but man, for the love of all decent things, stop talking about yourself.   No one wants to hear the details of your daily routine at work because the stories are always the same. Someone is an idiot and you saved the day. You’re so great, good at your job, blah, blah, blah. It’s work. And it’s boring. You interrupt, talk over, and generally go on about yourself constantly.  When you do stop speaking about yourself, you don’t listen to anyone else in the group who has the floor. You turn to your roommate, you check your phone, you watch TV, play vids, but you don’t listen to anyone else. We get it. You’re proud of yourself. We’re proud of you but please stop the endless self-promotion. You sound like a conceited dick most of the time and people are bored with you as a topic of conversation. —With Love


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Monday, February 12, 2018

100 percent fake

Posted By on Mon, Feb 12, 2018 at 10:44 AM

You: super friendly, overly helpful and seemingly friends with everyone. The ability for people to not see past the facade is astounding. Too bad they couldn't witness your bad mouthing then they would know the difference and the qualities of a genuine human being. —Gobsmacked and Aware


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Thursday, February 8, 2018

Sick of your questions

Posted By on Thu, Feb 8, 2018 at 11:16 AM

Please stop texting me the question, "How are you feeling?" I'm four months into chemo, how the fuck do you think I'm feeling? Surely, you can at least begin to imagine that I'm not feeling well—that every day is a physical and existential struggle. Bless your little oblivious heart. What you could possibly be looking to achieve with this caliber of selfish, meat-headed question? Perhaps, making yourself feel you've done your daily good deed  when you read my canned, fabricated-to-help-you-manage-your-emotions response OR that you want me to spend what little time and energy I have pecking out the details of just how shitty I'm feeling. Again, and again. Neither one of these shows investment in my wellbeing. I'm glad you haven't had cancer. I hope you never do. Here's the thing though: People that truly want to provide support don't fire off a daily, earmarking, obligation-to-respond-inducing text, they actually show up IRL and are willing to go to places that are uncomfortable. Now you know how I'm feeling. —Sicko


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Wednesday, January 10, 2018

Leave

Posted By on Wed, Jan 10, 2018 at 10:53 AM

I am so tired of being treated like a monster for being a good person. When we let you move into our tiny apartment, it was a squeeze...but we opened our lives to you because you had nowhere else to go. Guess dating that drug dealer was a bad idea, huh? When you freaked out and invited the cops in to the apartment while I was in the shower, they ignored my vaporizer... so I forgave you about that. When you started having your 'man-friend' over 5 nights a week, I lasted two  weeks before I had a tearful meltdown and explained we'd rather you didn't have guests into the tiny apartment without running it by your roommates first. I even explained how, since you aren't on the lease, I had had to fight the landlord just to get permission to stay. Then  you brought an alley cat in, without asking again... I even gave you food and flea treatments for her, which you never paid me back for. Recently, after you met some rando at a bar, you decided to have him over even though you told me the day before that you didn't want him to know where you live... and again, without mentioning it first or asking permission from your roommates. Wasn't driving me to tears the first time making things clear??? Oh and lets not forget how you tried to hook up with my family member the first time you met him...Enough is enough. I'm tired of you and your generation's entitled, selfish, ignorant attitude. You hog my gaming bandwidth while you watch your shows on the laptop I fixed and my boyfriend gave you. You leave your burnt pans on the counter daily. You use about six glasses every night, and you've broken more of my kitchen ware and keepsakes than I have in the 20 years I've had them...and you never offered to replace anything until I mentioned it to you numerous times. Not that soulless generic beer glasses can replace the collection of mugs given me by various friends over the years, including people that aren't with us on this earth anymore, or the kitchen ware I've collected from opposite ends of the earth... You just last week broke the coffee bodum and just pretended like you didn't notice. One more thing I have to pay for... Oh, and whenever I mention the time you borrowed my blackhead extractor without asking to friends, they actually retch with disgust! Have you no limits?

You're frequently late on your rent, and you even complained you felt it was too much recently, even though I charge you only a flat third of the rent and bills! You said you're tired of my mess in the living area... the same stuff I had to put in bins to clear my storage room so you could stay in it. I respect your privacy to the point where I wouldn't even knock on your door when it's closed...but you have zero respect for mine, and I've lived on my own for 20 years, unlike you you spoiled, entitled little brat!!! I knew better than to let you move in, but I did it for the love of my wonderful kindhearted boyfriend. I'm done now though, and you can think I'm a big mean asshole all you like! Enjoy it, you’ve crossed the line so many times I feel nothing but happiness that you're finally leaving! Learn some respect!!! Although that might be a tall order for such a dumb self-absorbed jerk. Peace! —A Big Dumb Pushover


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Tuesday, October 3, 2017

Thespian!

Posted By on Tue, Oct 3, 2017 at 9:30 AM

Hello? Why have you not yet responded to my genial plea for your friendship? I thought that you were cool, like me, but perhaps you are, instead, uncool, unlike me. Maybe this is for the best. —Single-Handedly Supporting This Relationship
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Tuesday, September 5, 2017

Two's company...

Posted By on Tue, Sep 5, 2017 at 9:37 AM

So, you and your friend are walking toward me on the same sidewalk. As the space between us grows smaller, I realize you aren't moving, so I decide to step to the side...in the wet grass...and mud. My jacket sleeve brushes up against your arm and you yell, "DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME!" Did you forget your happy pill this morning? Bad time of the month? Wtf? When I was a little wee lad, walking two abreast with my mom, she taught me to move over when someone was approaching. Did your mom forget to teach you that? Were you not paying attention if she did? Or, maybe you just plain 'ol don't give a fuck? That would be my guess. Either way, don't be surprised if you end up on your arse next time, 'cause I'll be damned if I move for you again. — Three's A Bitch





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Friday, June 23, 2017

Friends

Posted By on Fri, Jun 23, 2017 at 4:21 PM

Being social awkward makes it hard to make friends, then the few you have don't stick around. What am I doing wrong? —Lonely





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Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Want to lose friends? Do it with this easy step!

Posted By on Wed, Apr 26, 2017 at 4:13 PM

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To all the "entrepreneurs" on social media selling flameless candles, makeup, adult toys or whatever overpriced junk it is: Nobody wants to buy this shit. If they do, they either pity you or you guilt them into it. If I want to buy a candle, I'll go to the store and buy it for half the price. I don't need a "consultant" or a "representative" to order it for me. How the hell do you think you'll make any money when there are 10 others selling the exact same thing within a square mile? Quit harassing everyone and give this shit up. It's embarrassing. —No thanks!







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Thursday, February 9, 2017

Why can't we all be friends?

Posted By on Thu, Feb 9, 2017 at 4:00 PM

It bothers me how much this bothers me. Being 24 in Halifax, you should have an understanding that your s/o has opposite sex friends is important. I ran into a old colleague whom I hadn't seen in a year or so. I was a little tipsy as we were at a bar, but I ran up to my strictly friend (not attracted to him at all) hugged him and asked how he was doing. Only to have his girlfriend beside me tap me on the shoulder and say "I'm his girlfriend and who are you?" "You cannot do that again! Do you understand?” I wanted to ask my friend to blink twice if he needed help. Moral of all this: don’t be so insecure. I just nodded at her and sat down, but man, it got me thinking. —The disgruntled friendly person





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Monday, September 19, 2016

A prepaid Visa, really??

Posted on Mon, Sep 19, 2016 at 4:00 AM

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Who gives a prepaid Visa as a baby shower gift?! I need baby things, but you go and give me a prepaid Visa. Basically, you're telling me to go out and get my own shit. I'm 9 months pregnant and am extremely uncomfortable - I'm basically housebound until the little dude makes an appearance. And once he's here, he's going to be taking all of my time! You could have given me a package of diapers or bath toys. But I gotta go out and get my own baby stuff because you were too lazy to look for an actual physical gift. You know what, when I have my next child, you're not even gonna be invited to my next baby shower! FFS. —About to give birth
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Friday, August 26, 2016

Let me help you keep your mouth shut

Posted on Fri, Aug 26, 2016 at 4:00 AM

Some friend you turned out to be. After 3 different people confirming what you said about me. Stealing your man that you broke up with 2 years ago. If him driving me home when we bumped into each other at the grocery store means I stole him last week then Your more screwed up then I thought If you keep opening your mouth and spewing BS then maybe I should date him. At least I know I would treat him better then you did —Trustworthy friend that is pissed off
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In Print This Week

Vol 27, No 17
September 19, 2019

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