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Streets ahead

Wednesday, January 22, 2020

Ambulance hinderer

Posted By on Wed, Jan 22, 2020 at 9:26 AM

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To the idiot in a grey Nissan Versa who crossed the North and Robie intersection as an ambulance was trying make its way to the hospital, in snow, during rush hour, yesterday afternoon. STOP and WAIT. And why TF are you wearing noise-cancelling headphones while driving!?!?!?! Are you literally trying to kill people?!?! Ugh. —Pedestrian Bitcher

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Friday, December 20, 2019

Insane pedestrian

Posted By on Fri, Dec 20, 2019 at 12:57 PM

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To the asshole who jaywalked into the intersection on Dresden, so that I had to brake sharply to avoid them, and then SMACKED MY CAR as I drove through: a) the concrete barrier on the east side doesn't allow me to see the full intersection until I'm close to it, b) learn how to safely walk around in a city (including using crosswalks and looking before you just blindly walk into the road) before you get hit by a car or bus, c) yelling profanities and spitting in the face of someone is really, really juvenile (especially since that person stopped their car and didn't hit you) and d) grow some balls and take some responsibility for your own stupidity, rather than blame it on someone else.
—Shocked and Disgusted Driver
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Wednesday, November 20, 2019

Jay walker

Posted By on Wed, Nov 20, 2019 at 9:19 AM

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To the guy jay-walking in Spryfield with his dog on a cold and rainy night: That's how you get hit, bro. I didn't see you until the last second. Count your lucky stars that I did. And here's a fun fact—you're the one who'll get the ticket, not me. A nice little added bit of insult to injury for your stupidity.
—I'll Get Ya Next Time :)
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Thursday, November 14, 2019

Illegal parkers!

Posted By on Thu, Nov 14, 2019 at 10:20 AM

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To those who work in the Agricola Street area: Please don’t park on Agricola Street! You are illegally parked and you make it difficult for clients of the small businesses on Agricola! Park in residential areas and walk a little farther! Be considerate of the community you work in!
—Small Business Trying To Make A Living!
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Friday, November 8, 2019

Drivers

Posted By on Fri, Nov 8, 2019 at 12:32 PM

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Dear people, there's this thing in all cars in trucks—it's called the turn signal indicator. Most, if not all, know this exists, however many do not what it is for. Please go to YouTube or Google for operating instructions before you get yourself killed.
—Idiots
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Saturday, October 19, 2019

And you thought phone zombies were bad

Posted By on Sat, Oct 19, 2019 at 9:21 AM

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I saw a girl walking down the street the other day while reading a paperback novel. Ignoring the world around her, just walking along the sidewalk with a book held in front of her face. Zombies: Quit living in fantasyland and join the life abundant, before you go splat.
—Go To The Library And Read, Dummy
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Friday, October 4, 2019

My fellow cyclists

Posted By on Fri, Oct 4, 2019 at 9:04 PM

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  If I am to respect your one-metre distance, then will you please PLEASE respect mine? If there is a line at a light, WAIT. YOUR. TURN. IN. LINE. If you don’t have a full meter to pass on the right, please don’t try to squeeze by. A cyclist hit my side mirror this morning while doing just this. Rules of the road exist to keep ALL of us safe and secure, so stop fucking it up with stupid fucking behaviour PLEASE!!
—I Drive Too
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Thursday, September 19, 2019

Phone zombies, no bag limit

Posted By on Thu, Sep 19, 2019 at 10:55 AM

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Phone zombie! Why do you walk around crowded busy streets staring at your phone? Phone Zombie! You are a hazard to yourself and the general public at large. And you not only look like an insecure fool, you are an embarrassment to the human race at large. Perhaps stopping and moving out of the way of others would be a better approach to communications? It's illegal to drive and operate your phone. Why not elsewhere too? Phone zombie! You got to go!
—Enema Bandit
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Thursday, August 29, 2019

To the person who called me a "fucking piece of shit" on Vernon Street this morning

Posted By on Thu, Aug 29, 2019 at 9:53 AM

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I realize that I had parked in a no-parking zone. I drove around three times to try to find a legit parking space, but was running out of time. You see, two days ago I miscarried. As I was driving down Vernon to get to work, I finally got a call that my emergency ultrasound was scheduled (which I had been waiting for for days), but I had to get to the hospital in 30 minutes and drink two-to-three litres of water beforehand. I finally decided to park in a no-parking, put my four-ways on and run into the store to get water. I saw you, was nowhere near you when I opened my door, yet you still yelled at me with all the hate and anger you could muster. It left me shook.

Maybe I am a “FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT.” But I don’t think I’ve ever met one person who has followed the rules of the road 100 percent all of the time, including you I’m sure. A little compassion goes a long way—and you made an already stressful situation almost unbearable. And I want you to know that.

To the person who wrote “You are awesome!” and “Have a wonderful day!” in chalk on University Avenue: Thank you. I truly needed to read that today!
—No Parking, No Options
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Wednesday, August 14, 2019

Tailgaters

Posted By on Wed, Aug 14, 2019 at 3:55 PM

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Listen up, arsehole on my car's bumper as we drive the Prospect Road: I'm not going any faster and you can't drive over me. You're so fucking stupid, you don't even realize that if you rear-end into my old clunker, you're automatically at fault. So suck on my middle finger, Rushy McRushRush.
—Tired Of Doing The Speed Limit With Lead-footed Idiots On My Ass
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Thursday, August 1, 2019

Just drive

Posted By on Thu, Aug 1, 2019 at 11:31 AM

Would you misguided potato-brained morons just stop trying to be so fucking “polite” when you drive, keep your right of way and stop, for fuck's sake, almost causing near-accidents!?! Are you doing the rest of us any favours by jamming your goddamn brakes on in the middle of a main traffic lane? Perhaps you’re related to the idiots who hit the brakes before turn signals. Smarten up before you do cause an accident, jackass.
—Adrenaline Spike
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Thursday, July 25, 2019

Pissed off at "slow" traffic?

Posted By on Thu, Jul 25, 2019 at 11:12 AM

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Last time I checked, we don't have any autobahn roads in NS with no speed limit. If you think driving 160 is OK on public highway, you are being an ASS. Yes, the "slowpoke" doing 120 in the left lane was slowing you down, that is because he was only somewhat above the speed limit while passing people, instead of driving like an utter ass. Where the hell are you going that it is so urgent? Get a grip, or get a membership on a private circuit track and drive 200+ if you are serious about driving stupid fast. Don't put other people at risk with your entitled attitudes and dangerous driving habits.
—Pissed Off At Entitled Fast Drivers
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Tuesday, June 25, 2019

You look like an idiot

Posted By on Tue, Jun 25, 2019 at 11:02 AM

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I was walking down Robie Street when a car drove by me with windows down and a guy in the car let out a scream directly at me. A full-fledged scream out of nowhere. Why? Fuck you.
—Pedestrian
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Tuesday, October 9, 2018

Dear drivers

Posted By on Tue, Oct 9, 2018 at 2:30 PM

Dear drivers of Halifax, Please remember these simple rules from the Nova Scotia Motor Vehicles Act—seeing as you agreed to follow them by getting a licence:
1. An intersection is any place that two or more roads meet. They may be marked or unmarked.
2. Every intersection is a crosswalk.
3. At any intersection PEDESTRIANS HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY!
I look all four ways and only cross at intersections. Next time you lay on your horn for me crossing legally and following the rules of the road, you should shove it!
—Just trying to make it to work without dying
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Sunday, June 3, 2018

Argyle Street?! More like Car-gyle Street

Posted By on Sun, Jun 3, 2018 at 9:30 AM

OK, Halifax—what is the deal with royally fucking over Argyle Street?! I’m not even referring to the odyssey that was the construction of the Nova Centre, or even the six-month long project during absolute peak business season, during the Canada150 and Tall Ships summer, of tearing up the road, save for a tiny ped-path that was supposed to ‘encourage pedestrians’ down the street to sad bars with no patios and even fewer customers. It’s now summer 2018, we’ve thrown our sacrificial goat into the fire and huzzah! The construction is more or less done ‘round our parts. We were promised a pedestrian street; we were promised a no-car zone. Why is it, then, since the end of construction, the newly cobblestoned street has served as nothing but a glorified parking lot? 

Summer is finally creeping in, patio season is in full swing and we watch day in and day out people park directly under no parking and tow away zone signs and walk away without a single worry because they have learned there is literally zero ticketing or towing happening. Further, delivery trucks who are supposed to use that zone for unloading are trying to park on the sidewalk side directly in front of our precious patios, discouraging many potential customers from wanting to enjoy the afternoon sun with their lunch.

The lack of responsibility taken by our city to lay down the parking law on the people who are taking clear advantage of such a lack of responsibility is directly impacting the same businesses the decisions of this city have been fucking over for years. Shame on each and every one of you who have put your own selfish needs to drive downtown and park as close as physically possible to your destination above the dignity of the businesses making up the backbone of Halifax’s food and beverage culture. Further, shame on the city for slacking off WAY too much and perpetuating this unspoken understanding among Halifax’s biggest assholes that Argyle is a free-parking zone. This isn’t Monopoly; there’s no such thing as free parking on this block. — Hoping All Rediscover Usual Meter Parking Habits

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In Print This Week

Vol 27, No 35
January 23, 2020

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