The Cool Girl Paradox

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There is no denying it. We all want to be the “cool” girlfriend. You know, the “wants you but doesn’t need you” girl - that does her own thing, that doesn’t rely on you, that never gets jealous. How desperately we want to be the girl that his friends attach adjectives like “chill” or “cool” to when brought up in conversation between beer pong and fist pumping. Cool girlfriends are afraid to ask for what they want from a man. Whether it’s commitment, affection or more time, asking is really fucking hard. So we don’t. We don’t want to be controlling or needy, so we deny ourselves the things that we want and need. We swallow our insecurities, we let the things that bother us roll of our shoulders. We do this in the name of self reliance (coolness), and in the process, we throw away the real possibility of co-dependence. We give away the possibility of real love. This is the paradox. Girlfriends who are really cool, ask. If you want to be a cool girlfriend, you have to ask for what you want. Actually, you have to do more than ask. You have to BECOME SOMEONE WHO ASKS. It is easy. Set standards for yourself and never settle for less than them. If you become someone who asks for what they want, eventually you’ll find someone who doesn’t need you to. —Lindsay Proudfoot

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