Learn to love

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I understand why you couldn't continue to be with me. You had love for me when I didn't love myself. I numbed myself to not feel anything with alcohol and drugs. They were the only things in my life that shut off the voice in my head that tells me everything I am doing wrong and lets me know everything I am not. Drinking set up a wall between me and other people, so that they wouldn't see what I see in myself. As a result I forgot how to have fun when I wasn't drinking, how to make connections with people, how to feel deep emotional bonds, and ultimately lost a piece of myself in the process. I decided to get that piece back and make myself whole again. I have a serious problem with alcohol, and the idea of a life without it terrifies me, but I want to show the world what a whole, complete version of me looks like. Unless I love myself and feel comfortable in who I am without alcohol, there is no place for it in my life. Sometimes it doesn't take rock-bottom. Sometimes it just takes someone caring. Caring enough to not stand by and watch you destroy a part of yourself. If I can learn to love myself, maybe she can remember how to love me too. —Anonymous Alcoholic

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