Sharing nudes: Advice for all the Tony Clements out there

You don’t need to be the Annie Leibowitz of dick pics but some thought goes a long way.

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Leslie Greening is a queer member of the local kink community and former cam model. You can find her on Twitter and Fetlife, @PinkPunkSlut. - JESS HARTJES
  • JESS HARTJES
  • Leslie Greening is a queer member of the local kink community and former cam model. You can find her on Twitter and Fetlife, @PinkPunkSlut.

On Tuesday, November 7, amid the Ameri- can midterm election results starting to roll in, Conservative MP Tony Clement issued a statement admitting to sharing nude images online with a person other than his wife. This came as no shock to many twenty-something women who quickly took to Twitter to share stories of creepy Instagram behaviour such as late night, deep-dive picture-liking by the Tory heavyweight.

Some light Instagram-perving aside, there’s nothing wrong with sharing nudes on the internet. In 2018, it’s normal and maybe even healthy to own your sexuality, including the confidence it takes to capture a nude photo and share it with another. That said, Tony (may I call him Tony?) is married as well as vulnerable to extortion due to his National Security and Intelligence Committee membership. His marriage arrangement is really none of our business, though the vulnerability to extortion due to his access to top-secret intelligence is...well...concerning.

I hope he wasn’t just spamming some poor young lady who decided to take advantage of the situation and now may face a whole heap of trouble. Time will tell. Tony says it was consensual. That is really the most important thing to consider when sending a nude picture. Consent is everything.

Ask any woman who has opened her inbox to find a giant, shiny wang glaring at her. It is jarring, at the very least. Without consent, it’s sexual harassment. So, fellas, ask before you whip that wang out. I say fellas because it would seem it’s men who like to show off their wares without permission. Maybe women do it too, but I am yet to hear complaints from men that this is commonplace.

Why do men feel the need to show off their bits? On hook-up sites, men often use their penis as their picture. Sigh. Even worse is when the first message you receive from an interested party is just a big ol’ close-up of their junk.

Here’s some free advice: Take care in sharing what you seem to think is your most attractive feature. Assuming you get consent, take your time in a well-lit area to get a decent shot. No one wants to see your toilet in the background or your white athletic socks halfway to your knees. Honestly, less is more and a sexy picture can show very little. If you are hellbent on showing your dick and can’t even be bothered to take your underpants all the way off at least make sure they’re clean. You don’t need to be the Annie Leibowitz of dick pics but some thought goes a long way.

If the pictures you sent are not as warmly received as you were hoping, don’t go on the defensive or get nasty. Being rude will not suddenly make your penis charming. I like dicks but I’ll be the first to say they are not nice looking. Even nice dicks look funny. So men, get consent and take a decent picture—not some grainy in-the-dark shadow puppet. And if we are to learn anything from Tony Clement, maybe exercise a little bit of discretion with who you share your pictures with. The recipient may not have your best interests at heart.

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Opinionated is a rotating column by Halifax writers featured regularly in The Coast. The views published are those of the author.

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