March Madness 2015

Thursday, March 19, 2015

March Madness Day 2: Coke vs. Pepsi Clear & Barbecue vs. Roast Chicken

#stormchips?

Posted By on Thu, Mar 19, 2015 at 12:00 PM


Welcome to day two of the Madness that is March. This ain't Wikipedia's definition of the term, that's for sure!

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No breeding going on here! Unless you count breeding discontent over the gross types of chips and pop that may win out over my beloved Doritos. No, instead of getting it on like bunnies, we're making our babies fight! Chips versus pop, may the winner be hailed forever.

Here's a recap if you are confused (understandable).

And here's our bracket to show our matches:

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But first, we need to celebrate the winners of day one! I should have done this yesterday but I was alternately making the cats kiss and watching my boyfriend shovel the driveway. As we all were.

As predicted, people really are inherently good and both Doritos and ginger beer won. In landslide victories, I might add. Ginger beer taking 81 percent of the votes (side-eying the 12 complete weirdos that chose Brio) and Doritos taking a whopping 93 percent. Even if some of those people were voting for Cool Ranch (or even worse, ketchup), I will still happily celebrate this win.

Today in pops culture, Coke goes against Pepsi Clear. I don't know why we thought it was Pepsi Clear instead of Crystal Pepsi, but when we made this list, that's what came to mind. Must have been that crazy limited time in Mexico.

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Anyway, Crystal Pepsi is what we're talking about, and you know that stuff was weird on principle. We all had one (if you were old enough) and it was fine I guess? Van Halen talked us all into it!

Coke stayed the course and did not make anything clear (except Tab, and who cares about that). That's why I think we should reward Coke and punish Pepsi's hubris. Also, it's COKE! Are you really going to front here? Coke. Seriously.

The chip match ups have a bit of a theme, coincidentally. Cooking, I guess? Roasted meat, for sure. Barbecue chips plan to crush the competition of roast chicken flavour into tiny chip dust particles. Roast chicken plans to stick barbecue in a pan with a lemon up its butt. Who will win out? The classic smoky snacks or the sort-of-a-meal chip? You decide!

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Tuesday, March 17, 2015

March Madness: Chips vs Pop starts TODAY

Day One: Ginger beer vs. Brio and Doritos vs. Popchips

Posted By on Tue, Mar 17, 2015 at 3:30 PM


'Tis the season, mothersnackers. From now until whenever this thing is over, your Coast-style March Madness bracket is in full swing. This year's iteration of March Madness—chips versus pop—may have been dreamed up during the 3pm peak office snacking hour, and it may prompt a whole lot of unplanned trips to Joe Thomeh's, but one thing I can 100% guarantee, it'll be an all out brawl. Last year's March Madness was an outright shitshow, will this year be as shocking?

We carefully curated a list of the best chips and pops on the planet, and there will be no arguing on this point. We mercilessly ranked them according to deliciousness—again, any complaints will fall on deaf ears—and now we are forcing you to choose.

Take a look at our bracket below and let the rage begin:

bracket.jpg

Today's first two hot matchups are the respective top and bottom of the flavour heaps. Representing for pop: ginger beer and Brio and on the chip side of things, Doritos and Popchips.

Let's break it down. Ginger beer is the best. If your juvenile tastebuds find it a widdle too spicy-wicy then please grab your soother and leave, you adult baby. Brio tastes like weird medicine. I suppose if you put a lot of booze in it, it could be acceptable. But then again, add booze to ginger beer and Brio has once again found its sickly medicinal ass handed to it. A dark and stormy is always going to be a lot better than a Brio and whatever-it-doesn't-matter-it's-all-going-to-taste-like-Brio. I will admit I've willingly chosen a Brio before, thinking it was cool and I looked really mature drinking it. But that's something every dumb 20 year-old does. Are you a dumb 20 year-old?

Like I said, it's your choice (just don't choose the wrong thing):

Chip-side, it's more or less the same situation. Doritos are the best. The top seed. We haven't broken them up into flavour subcategories because this is just a silly poll, please chill. Personally, I think Zesty is life and everything else can suck a capital D. But I hear some people like Cool Ranch. Are they the type of people I'd invite to a dinner party? Of course not. Also worth noting is that Taco Bell has embraced Doritos and when you talk about good taste, you're talking about Taco Bell.

Popchips are lame and we all know it. No one has eaten a Popchip and thought it was better than a real chip. You eat them out of guilt and guilt is a feeling that shouldn't go anywhere near your food. The flavours are depressing, the bag isn't even made of real chip bag material and THEY ARE HALF THE FAT OF REGULAR CHIPS! Go away, Popchips. I'm angry just thinking about you now.

See you tomorrow!

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