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A flash of Pam

Stephanie Johns on why Pamela Anderson is the perfect Juno host.

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Could there be a more fitting host for the Juno awards than Pamela Anderson? After all, she’s the type of Canadian that you forget is Canadian, and therefore perfect for a festival that has gone out of its way to feature talent from away. And we’d be fools to think that she doesn’t consider herself talent from away. Of course, some would say we’d be fools to think she’s talent. But no, we’re not here to encourage that type of thinking. In fact, we think it is her bizarre celebrity status that makes her so well suited to this role as host.

Canadian music fans may wonder, and rightly so, why this year’s Juno host isn’t a musician or someone in any way involved with the music scene (we certainly don’t need to point out here that Anderson has dutifully filled the position of rock star girlfriend for some time. Doesn’t that stand for something? If it doesn’t, it should. Consider what she had to work with—she’s a stronger woman than you for the simple reason of Kid Rock alone). But musical ability does not necessarily make a good host and we know we’re not alone in thinking it. Although the Junos have had an illustrious history of Canadian musicians as hosts (Alanis, Shania, The Moffatts), one might gather that this particular awards show has outgrown that stage and is now ready to carry the event on sheer unadulterated star power alone. And there’s nothing more awkward than a host who’s also nominated. Enter Pamela. In our opinion, people who bring up Pamela’s complete absence from the Canadian music scene are just looking for excuses to bitch about her, which we will not stand for. One would like to imagine that the people of Canada would rather see the current spokeswoman for green M&Ms host any day then call the Barenaked Ladies back again.

Please consider this exciting possibility: There is also a chance (and it may be a good one) that Pamela will kick ass/take names over the Danier leather Juno gift bag (and the leather guitar strap that’s also included in it) given by the Juno officials to any visiting dignitaries lucky and rich enough to be given things for free. Her longtime devotion to animal rights and PETA are so deep-rooted that they prompted her to recently agree to a Comedy Central celebrity roast in exchange for the station’s hefty donation to PETA. Bearing this allegiance in mind, we can’t see her being too pleased with the gift bags. We also can’t see her being too pleased with CSI: The Boardgame, which also comes in the gift bag, but that statement pretty much stands for anyone.

Among her numerous virtues, we would like to include “unnaturally tolerant.” She has had her share of ridiculous boyfriends and equally ridiculous television shows, testing her ability to laugh at herself time and again. This we consider to be the hallmark of any awards show host: Familiarity with teasing. Dishing it out, primarily, but because of Pamela’s extensive experience with the concept, we think she would be an ace in the gentle art of poking fun.

There are very few instances in which Canada gets to flaunt its international talents without sounding like a child begging for attention (not included in this general statement are the stellar Heritage Moments and the pleasantly low-budget “Canada’s Walk of Fame” television spots). Can we just revel in the wonder of having the world’s most Googled woman in our town? Or, at the very least, can we troll the streets with cameras and autograph books without guilt? She’s Pamela Anderson! If we freaked out even remotely over Rob Lowe (which we did), we’re certainly allowed to lose our cool over this one.

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