(May 21-June 20)
If you have long conversations with the image in the mirror this week, I won’t call you a megalomaniacal narcissist. Nor will I make fun of you if you paint 15 self-portraits, or google yourself obsessively, or fill an entire notebook with answers to the question “Who am I, anyway?” In my astrological opinion, this is an excellent time for you to pursue nosy explorations into the mysteries of your core identity. You have cosmic permission to think about yourself with an intensity you might normally devote to a charismatic idol you’re infatuated with.
Glen Matthews, Jennifer St. George, Chaz Thorne and Katherine Woolhouse. Send your birthdays to email@example.com.
(June 21-July 22)
The website Nietzsche Family Circus features collaborations between the sappy family-oriented comic strip Family Circus and the austerely portentous wisdom of German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche. Judging from your current astrological omens, I'd say this is a perfect time for you to expose yourself to this stuff. (It's at losanjealous.com/nfc.) You need to toughen up some of your weepy, sentimental urges and brighten up some of your sombre, melancholic tendencies.
(July 23-August 22)
Gather your rewards, Leo. Soak up the blessings. Collect the favours you're owed. It's harvest time for you: your big chance to reap the fruits you've been sowing and cultivating these past 11 months. And no, don't try to stretch out the process. Don't procrastinate about plucking the ripe pickings. This really is the climax. The time for your peak experience has arrived. If you postpone the harvest for another two weeks, your beauties may start to go to seed.
(August 23-September 22)
What are you waiting for, my dear Virgo? Your future power spot has been exerting a strong pull on you. It has been calling for you to come and seize the clout you deserve. But you have not yet fully taken up the offer. As your designated nag and cheerleader, it is my sacred duty to wave a red flag in front of your gorgeous face and command you to pay attention. In my opinion, you need to drop what you're doing, race over to the zone of engagement and pounce. You're more than ready to stake a claim to the increased authority you'll have a mandate to wield in the coming months.
(September 23-October 22)
If you've read my horoscopes for a while, you know I'm the least superstitious astrologer on the planet. I champion the cause of reason and logic, praise the beauty of science and discourage you from constantly scanning the horizon for fearful omens. And yet I'm also a zealous advocate of the power of the liberated imagination. I believe that the playful and disciplined use of fantasy can be a potent agent for benevolent change in your life. That's why, in accordance with the current astrological configurations, I suggest that you spend some quality time in the coming week having imaginary conversations with the person, living or dead, who inspires you the most.
(October 23-November 21)
"I want to be everywhere at once and do everything at the same time," writes one of my Scorpio readers, JT. He's in luck, because according to my analysis, your tribe is about to enjoy a phase much like what he describes. "No more of this linear, one-day-at-a-time stuff," he continues. "I want a whole week packed into each 24-hour turn of the earth, with heavy doses of leisure time interwoven with thrilling bouts of hard, creative labour. I want to live in a secret garden with 10 years of solitude and hang out at a street fair raging with conviviality. I want to sing with angels and romp with devils in between walking the dog, exercising at the gym and chatting to perfectly ordinary people. I want enough money to fill a swimming pool, and I want to live like there's no such thing as money."
(November 22-December 21)
If you live on the Danish island of Mando, your only hope for driving your vehicle to the mainland and back is when the tide is low. During those periods, the water often recedes far enough to expose a rough gravel road that's laid down over a vast mudflat. Winter storms sometimes make even low-tide passages impossible, though. According to my reading of the astrological omens, Sagittarius, there's a comparable situation in your life. You can only get from where you are to where you want to go at certain selected times and under certain selected conditions. Make sure you're thoroughly familiar with those times and conditions.
(December 22-January 19)
One of the leading intellectuals of the 20th century, British author Aldous Huxley, wrote more than 20 books, including Brave New World. In his later years he made a surprising confession: "It is a bit embarrassing to have been concerned with the human problem all one's life and find at the end that one has no more to offer by way of advice than 'Try to be a little kinder.'" In accordance with your current astrological omens, Capricorn, I'd like you to take a cue from Huxley in the coming week. Proceed on the assumption that the smartest thing you can do---both in terms of bringing you practical benefits and increasing your intelligence---would be to deepen, expand and intensify your compassion.
(January 20-February 18)
Early in Marcel Proust's novel In Search of Lost Time, the narrator stumbles upon a dizzying epiphany while having a snack. He dips a small cake into his cup of tea and when he sips a spoonful, the taste of the sweet crumbs blended with the warm drink transport him into an altered state. Inexplicably, he's filled with an "all-powerful joy" and "exquisite pleasure" that dissolve his feelings of being "mediocre, contingent and mortal." The associations and thoughts triggered by this influx of paradise take him many pages to explore. I mention this, Aquarius, because I expect that you're about to have your own version of this activation. A seemingly ordinary event will lead to a breakthrough that feeds you for a long time.
(February 19-March 20)
}Environmentalist Bill McKibben says that humans are transforming the planet so drastically that we shouldn't refer to it as Earth anymore. To acknowledge the fact that we're well on our way to living in a very different world, he suggests we rename our home the "Eaarth." By this logic, maybe we should rename your sign Piisces. The changes you're in the process of making this year are potentially so dramatic that you will, in a sense, be inhabiting a new astrological sign by January 2011. In your case, however---unlike that of our planet---the majority of your alterations are likely to be invigorating and vitalizing. And you're now entering a phase when you'll have maximum opportunity to ensure that successful outcome.
(March 21-April 19)
The "secret" is in plain sight. The "hidden resource" is freely available for anyone who intends to use it with integrity. The "lost key" is very close to where you left it when you last used it. The "missing link" is missing only in the sense that no one recognizes it for what it is. The "unasked question" is beaming toward you from three directions. The "wounded talent" will be healed the moment you stop thinking of it as wounded and start regarding it as merely unripe.
(April 20-May 20)
It's time for some image medicine, Taurus. Wherever you are right now, I invite you to look down at your left palm and imagine that you see the following scene: an infinity sign whose shape is made not by a thin black line but by a series of small yellow rubber duckies. The duckies are flowing along slowly in continuous motion. They are all wearing gold crowns, each of which is studded with three tiny rubies. With resonant tones that belie their diminutive and comic appearance, the duckies are singing you your favourite song. It makes you feel safe, brave and at home in the world. What else can you see there? What happens next?