Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters

A fail the likes of which Boon has never seen

Sigh
Sigh

Failing in nearly all aspects, here comes the latest fairy tale turned hyper-action flick, Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters. After escaping from near death in a candy house as children, the sibling duo of Jeremy Renner and Gemma Arterton make a career out of shotgunning evil witches via a number of widely anachronistic weapons. But will their battle-hardened wits be enough to stop the confusing plan of the grand evil witch, Famke Janssen? An incomprehensible mess, H&G:WH embraces aloof detachment from its inherently silly premise instead of diving in and at least committing to the wreckage it creates. Renner continues his career of bland hero roles, with Arterton aping his barely-present acting style. Barely worth seeing for a straight-faced explanation from Renner that all that candy as a child gave him some sort of magical diabetes. Otherwise, a complete embarrassment.

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Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters is not showing in any theaters in the area.

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