Looks like we've got a Situation on our Hands

I've been waiting to use that header my whole life.

"Just working on my fitness"

Just working on my fitness
  • "Just working on my fitness"

I think we all knew this was coming—-Jersey Shore's Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino will soon be making an "appearance" in Halifax. A mere $25 will get you into Pacifico's "White Party" on May 6—-and $85 dollars will get you into the "VIP" Capitol Room, where the man himself—-no doubt tanned, buzzed and resplendent—-will be IN. THE. SAME. ROOM with "your own private DJ." Sounds like a sexy situation! (Check out the Ticketpro link here.)

Now, listen—-I watched the shit out of Jersey Shore this past winter. And I loved it. I loved it the same way I love A & W Teen Burgers: Both are quick. Both are tasty. Both are kind of sticky. Both are very satisfying diversions. True, it may leave you feeling dirty and disgusting afterwards, but the feeling passes through your system shortly and ten minutes later, you find yourself thinking "I need another delicious oily burger/episode" and your hands start shaking.

But will I be shelling out $25/$85 to be in the same bar as the man who once mused, "Shave last minute, haircut the day-of, maybe some tanning and the gym. These are rules to live by"? No. And it's not because I think it's stupid or a rip-off (although it is important to note that for $25, I could purchase approximately fifteen Teen Burgers.)

No. The reason is very simple. No Snooki, no dice.

Evidence in video form below:


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