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March Madness Day 3: Pepsi vs. Mountain Dew & Crunchy Cheetos vs. Funyuns

A very classy affair


TGIMM, everyone! I burrowed to work like a lil weasel just to find out the captivating results of yesterday's mesquite-heated match-ups in our yearly March Madness bracket. This year we're pitting chips against pop in some kind of unholy war.

Here's a bit of an explanation, and here is our bracket of the most loved and loathed children's party foods.


Today's pop matches are Pepsi and Mountain Dew and the chip offerings are crunchy Cheetos and Funyuns. We'll get to that later. Right now I need to share the results of yesterday's battle royale. But first I'll start by saying that unless there is some wild upset or especially close call, the first few days of March Madness can almost be a bit boring. The big guys go up against the underdogs, and while we love a good underdog story, those goddamned roast chicken chips are just too goddamned salty.

Coke actually had a battle on its hands, despite extensive marketing to children, and only took 78 percent of the vote. I'm sure if it hovered anywhere near 60 percent or less I would have gotten a knock on my door by the MIB dudes or something (don't think about it too much). As it stands, Coke lives to clean pennies another day.

Barbecue and roast chicken had one of the closest calls we've seen so far. With results so close you could barely slip a Pringle between them, barbecue took 57 percent of the vote. I guess more folks loved the comforting taste of Mom's chicken dinner in chip form than I thought. I stand corrected. It seriously smells like you're eating a package of ramen though, thought you should know.

Now onto this evening: crack open a bottle of something fizzy (Fresca?) have a few hors d'oeuvres and ponder today's choices. Beloved cola beverage Pepsi tickles the nose of the green giant, Mountain Dew. It's sort of a bad sign that I don't have anything snarky to say about either of these drinks. Sometimes they hit the spot! Caffeine! How can you mess with perfection?

Our chips bracket takes a slightly different shape today, as taut, slender Crunchy Cheetos take a stab in the direction of the rotund Funyuns. I feel like you can't even get Funyuns here. Maybe the allure of the exotic will be in Funyuns' favour? That said, Crunchy Cheetos have all the appeal of Cheetos but without dissolving into pure air as soon as you put them in your mouth. And there's a jalapeno flavour. Funyuns basically always taste like fun onions, I am assuming.

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