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March Madness Day 6: vs Facebook & Broadsheet vs. Town Crier

Oyez, oyez, oyez! I have a large bell, listen to me!


Click here to get caught up, because we are in Day 6 of our New Media vs Old Media March Madness bracket and I really don't have an patience for lollygaggers. No child left behind? Don't hold your breath, kiddo.

Let me show you what I'm working with:


First, as always, we recap yesterday. You don't put your shoes on before you put your pants on, after all. Although I have done that once or twice and it's usually doable.

60 Minutes beat the Global Morning Show, 76 to 24—pour me a McCafe, Mac, and keep 'em comin'. Reddit trounced Vice, 74 to 26, and I will be frank, I kind of thought that battle was going to be even more of a blowout. I'm sure any mention of this got downvoted into the sub-sub-Reddit basement and drowned in Mountain Dew (listen, I know that's not how it works).

Today is another day, versus Facebook. What will you choose? Brainy, carefully considered content, Bill Cunningham, original video, slideshows and the intense experience of jealousy because you don't live in New York? Or a group of your stupid friends and family incessantly poking you because they don't know any better? Although I love it like Manchu Wok, by now I think I've hidden more people than I'm even friends with—here's a tip: DON'T LEAVE THE LINK IN YOUR STATUS WHEN YOU POST SOMETHING! Delete it, it's so much cleaner and less blood pressure raise-y. In conclusion, it's likely the most annoying of all social media.


The old media category can be summed up thusly: Are you a reader or a listener? Broadsheets and broadsides are the original no-muss, no-fuss layouts. Just a giant, honking block of text, type painstakingly set by hand on a press, perfect for your rambling political screed, ballad or whatever Hif Royal Majefty The King, in his Infinite Wifdom, (don't tithe me, bro) happens to want to tell you that day. Broadsheets are still going strong today, but happen to have a lot of sidebars now because TV probably. If, like me, you like to have your news yelled at you at top volume by a man in an interesting hat (like, does your hat even HAVE cornes, Trish?), then the Town Crier is your man. Doling out such golden nuggets of town gossip as:

"On being told that at this season of the year they could catch nothing but salmon, Barlow stated that the other night they had caught nine shillings worth of flukes, and we have good authority for saying that this statement was correct. Gibson, striking his fist on the table, solemnly swore that, 'he had not killed a salmon since they were cried down {emphasis added} and another affirmed that it would be no use killing them as they were not fit for pigs, much less Christians.'" —something someone said in 1845.

WHOA WHOA HOLD UP salmon isn't fit for pigs/Christians? Try telling that to every brunch place ever, dead dude! Clearly this was the most TMZ-ish town crier, right? Gibson better check himself, for real.

I think it's clear which one is the most interesting though.

Votez, votez, votez!!

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