- JESS HARTJES
When it comes time for your monthly uterine massacre, you bet Mary Jane has your back—and anywhere else that aches whilst surfing the crimson wave. Here are the cannabis products that my co-workers and partner can thank for not being murdered by me once every three weeks.
1. Arthritis balm from Cannalife Botanicals
Ever heard of our bodies' endocannabinoid system? It regulates mood, memory, appetite, pain and inflammation, while co-piloting the immune, reproductive, cardiovascular and gastrointestinal systems. The 100-plus chemical compounds cannabis is made up of (like psychoactive THC, and CBD which helps with pain) fit into different endocannabinoid system cell receptors like brokenhearted BFF lockets.
When using medicated topicals, THC compounds bind to CB2, a receptor bundle that deals with analgesic matters. THC from topicals doesn't cross into your bloodstream—and therefore doesn't get you high—but it stimulates the CB2 receptors for localized pain relief.
I'm obsessed with every lab-tested product I've tried from Vancouver's Cannalife Botanicals. They use "local, organic and consciously sourced ingredients" and I assume Skyrim-level master alchemy, blending infused cannabis oils with the perfect assortment of essential oils. The arthritis balm is a multi-tasker. Sativa, comfrey and nettle provides immediate heat-activated relief from cramps and bloating. Lemongrass and ginger essential oils aid digest and also soothe muscle pain. And hormone-balancing cedarwood, an emmenagogue that can help regulate menstrual cycles, rounds out this heaven-sent product. Their 70ml stick (194mg THC) should last multiple cycles.
2. Bath salts from Cannalife Botanicals
Not joking about being obsessed! Day Three of my cycle is the w-o-r-s-t, and Cannalife's medicated bath salts upped my bathtime ritual tenfold. My favourite type is Elevate, which includes refreshing and anti-inflammatory eucalyptus to clear headaches and reduce cramps. Its stimulating, decongestant properties are also known to calm irritability. Geranium oil influences the release of adrenal hormones, therefore reducing fluctuations in hormone levels, therefore you don't inexplicably cry yourself to sleep thinking about the series finale of Buffy, or whatever. Uplifting bergamot oil aids in maintaining the body's metabolic rate, which means less moodiness!
There are also flavonoids present in bergamot that reduce anxiety and stress, so sign me TF up. If you're a bath-hater, use the salts as a scrub on your lower back, abdomen, hips and thighs, and follow up with your pain-relieving balm.
Ahhhh, sweet hashish. A collection of marijuana trichomes containing large concentrations of THC, cannabinoids and terpenes pressed into a cohesive mass, it's the very essence of MJ. The effects of smoking my fave type, Afghani Romeo&Juliet, envelops the body like a hot water bottle hug and tastes like a deep caramel treat.
My toughest pal Lillian describes her intense menses as "an all-encompassing pressure of pelvic pain." She has sworn by hash cyclically for years as "the only thing" that cuts through her pain without sacrificing mental clarity: "It's rooted in your body and lets your mind carry on with its business uninterrupted."
4. CBD capsules (or suckers!)
There are certain endocannabinoid receptors in our body that match up exclusively with CBD, which doesn't get you stoned in its pure form. When my uterus becomes its monthly balloon full of cement and shoves all my other organs around, taking up to four CBD capsules a day has completely replaced my need for stomach-wall-eroding Naproxen. I'm also a fan of HempMed's CBD Lollipop. At 100mg a stick it's a sweet, strong way to get your meds.
5. Get high
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